Strive for justice and peace in all the earth

"To strive for justice and peace in all the earth is a kind of crescendo at the end of our baptismal commitments. To paraphrase the Gospel according to John, when 'people love darkness more than the light' (3:19), we don’t respond with condemnation but instead by shining Christ’s light to expose the weakness of the shadows." 

This is how Rev. Drew Tucker, the University Pastor at Capital University describes the final baptismal promise. 

Finding time to care about-- let along do anything about-- justice and peace while we are in college can feel incredibly overwhelming. I have heard a lot of critiques of my generation (millennials) and the generations after mine. Whether we are snowflakes, self-absorbed, social media crazed, obsessed with avocado toast, or killing various restaurant chains and industries, there seem to be many reasons to complain about college students these days. Many older people assert that things should just go back to the "good old days" before complications like smart phones and empathy. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't critical of my own and younger generations at times, but I find so much hope in young adults today as well. It is probably the reason I have a passion for young adult and campus ministry. Not a day goes by that the deep convictions and empathy of people younger than myself teach me to be more like Jesus. 

Indeed, campus ministry is often where the journey in pursuit of justice and peace begin for many people. Josh Hayes, a previous student at Jacob's Porch puts it this way: 

"Campus ministry was where I first heard the term social justice. Nearly everyone I know from JP (Jacob's Porch) is still extremely active in the realm of justice and the pursuit of peace. Though it can be difficult to work toward justice, the knowledge of what it means to those who have been treated unjustly is the most compelling call to action."

Pastor Tucker confirms this idea that sometimes campus ministry is where the roots of justice and peace take hold of God's children and refuse to be pulled up.  

"In my various experience in Lutheran campus ministry, I’ve seen students take the lead on including people who identify as LGBTQ+ fully in the life of the church. I’ve seen campus communities open their empty housing to refugee families in need. I’ve seen white, straight, cisgendered, male students use their privilege to center the voices of people of color, women, immigrants, and others typically marginalized in our society. Most recently, I’ve been invited to celebrate the transition of a student in worship with an affirmation of baptism that honors God's grace offered long before the transition and is now experienced anew in the fullness of his life. For me, campus ministry is where the light of God’s call for justice and peace pierces the shadowy veils of judgment with God’s expansive, inclusive love."

As busy as college students often are, I and others have witnessed over and over again the drive and passion that students have for seeking justice and peace in the places and times they live in today. I have never heard a student say, "I know there is a lot of suffering in the world, but I can't do anything about it now. Let me wait until I graduate." Rather, I more often hear students say things like, "I know there is suffering and injustice in the world, and right here on this campus. How can I be a part of the change right now?"

Although campus ministry doesn't always get it right and we have a long way to go to look like the Kin-dom of God, I love being able to reply, "by joining in what we are doing at campus ministry, you can help us change not only this community but this campus and the world."  

Mom (Wife?)

Throughout my entire life I have always wanted to be one thing: a mom.

Weirdly enough, I had never really thought about being a wife.  I guess it would make sense that those two things go together but they never have in my mind. Now, my friends will tell you that I have thought about marriage.  This isn't exactly accurate. I've thought a lot about a wedding. A big party. A white dress. Lots of friends.  But I've never really thought about a marriage.

I don't think I've ever wanted to be alone though. Maybe it's the fact that I have never wanted to define myself by being someone's wife. I don't know what it is, but I have always kind of imagined myself hanging out with my best friend and raising kids.  Who knows, maybe that's what marriage is supposed to be.

Despite being in a relationship pretty consistently since about eighth grade, I have never imagined married life for myself.  (This might have something to do with a broken engagement, but we never really unpacked that during CPE.)

I have, however, imagined my life being a mom.  Since coming home from Honduras in January, I have started researching adoption laws and reading fiction and nonfiction books about adoption.  It has become a problem. (Haha)  But the funny thing about it is that I'm serious.  My friends roll their eyes and laugh at me when I talk about adoption, but I can't wait.  Many countries I've researched require adoptive parents to be married, 25 years old, and have a steady income.  Honduras is just about that "easy."  Three more years and a steady income.

Despite imagining myself as a mom and not a wife, I have never thought I would be alone.  Actually, I'm afraid I might be alone.  You see, I don't have normal plans for my life.

You've already heard about the adoption thing.  To take it a bit further from normal, I don't really want to give birth to any children.  Seriously. Cue my fear of hospitals and the fact that I think I'd be THE worst pregnant woman on earth.  One step further from normal: I think I'd like four or five kids (or more).

I also want to travel and live paycheck to paycheck, loving as many people as I possibly can. Possibly in a mud hut. Possibly without running water and electricity.

Not many people want to live close to poverty and devote their lives to people in another country. Even if it sounds like a good idea for a few months, it would be hard for most people to put their dreams of a normal family, house, and stability on hold for five or ten years. It's hard for me to think about it and it's something I've thought about for many years.  It's hard for me to ask someone to disregard what they think of as a "normal" relationship, and plunge into the unpredictability of adventure and love.

I'm already running and I need someone to run beside me and be my partner.  I don't know if that means marriage or a husband.  And that's pretty terrifying. Especially considering I'm in a relationship with a man for whom I'd give all of that up.

But maybe that's okay.  Maybe that's the point.  Maybe we are supposed to be so in love that we would give our dreams up for one another but we are also so in love that we would never ever ask one another to.

Such is life. Paradox.

The Start of Something New

I'm 22 years old.  I know, right? I'm young. And so far in my life, I have done some pretty cool things. And I'm super excited about all the cool things I have already done in my life.  I feel successful (even though I'll be on food stamps next month).  I am happy.  Seriously.  I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but I am happy. 

And I'm young.  I have a lot to live for.  I have a lot of goals I want to reach before I kick the bucket.  And I have a lot of time to achieve those goals.  I don't always feel that way- I look around to my friends who are forming nonprofit organizations, designing iPhone apps, becoming teachers, and traveling the world and I'm jealous.

I want to be doing those things. I think to myself.  So why am I not doing those things? Good freakin' question. I've never really had a bucket list before, but I think I'd like to start one.

I'm young.  I shouldn't be doing something I hate right now (like CPE) or ever, for that matter! I should be following my passions and creating my own bliss.  I should be leaving the past behind me and living the adventure that is my life.  I should be living the life I have right now. Moment to moment.

So I'm going to start.  CPE ends tomorrow with graduation and I am not turning back.  I'm going to run out those doors and start following my dreams.  This is my public proclamation that this is the start of something new.

I've always been fearful of the future.  I think that is why I spend so much of my energy trying to plan for it.  I try to map out my life and what is going to happen year to year.  Man, that takes the fun out of living!  I'm going to start living in the moment and loving life the way it is.  And if I am unhappy, I will get up and change it.  I know I can do this now because I have felt myself growing up.

One reason I know I have been changing and growing up is what I see in my relationship.  The relationship I'm in right now is the very first relationship in which I haven't been searching around for what is next or what is to become of it.  I am so happy with where I am in our relationship. I'm not worried about marriage or kids.  It's all to come.  For now, we're still young.  We enjoy each other's company and hanging out with our dog and going on road trips.  We love spending time with each other's family and talking about our passions.  We aren't in any hurry and that is so very nice.

I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to say some stupid things. Maybe get myself in trouble.  But I am also going to have fun.  I am going to follow my passions no matter who I disappoint.  I am going to travel.  I am worth being the happiest I have ever been.

Growing Pains

I don't know if any of my friends have noticed it, but the past year has been a trying one for me. I have had to grow up quickly and sometimes unwillingly.  I've had to deal with heartache, loss, and a lot of changes that I'm not sure I was ready for. To top it all off, God decided I was going to start a whole other roller coaster called seminary. As if I needed more reasons to be emotional and moody.

I'm having some issues (try not to laugh too hard) with growing up.

A lot of people go through this phase when they are in high school. They want independence but safety.  They want their own car to go wherever they want but they want mom and dad to pay for it and fix it if it breaks. They want to do what they want when they want, just as long their parents keep paying for their recreations.

I didn't really go through that phase too hard in high school.  Even when I was a senior getting ready to leave my parents' house, I wasn't going crazy with rebellion. I am thankful that my parents never drowned my brother and I with house rules and regulations. We have pretty awesome parents.

I had some fun in college, but I knew I had about two or three years to play around until I got really serious about life. My parents paid for some things, but I was working and school was all paid for by scholarships and loans. I didn't have any huge responsibilities.

Well, I have been out of school for a year now and I am just now starting to figure out what it means to be an adult. And, um, I don't like it.

I am having to say goodbye to my best friends on a pretty regular basis. And I'm tired of it. I am surrounded by people getting engaged and married and trying not be jealous. I see people going on mission trips while I barely have money to pay my car insurance and it sucks. I am nervous about the future because I don't know exactly where God is taking me or how I am going to get there. I miss my parents and my brother and the rest of my family. I miss my churches in Ohio. And I'm just tired of it all.

It's times like this when I really wish the Gospels included years 10 through 30 of Jesus' life. What kind of issues did He deal with? He experienced all of our want for sin, right? Was He tempted to get drunk with His best friends? Did He have to learn how to get a job and pay the bills? Was He the best man at any of His friends' weddings? Did He ever fight with His parents? Did He have to do His own laundry?

Some of my favorite parts of the New Testament are when Jesus seems really human. He cries. He is tempted by the devil (and resists). He mourns the loss of His friends. He sleeps.

I wish I knew something more, though. Am I asking for too much? Probably. But I wish I knew how Jesus dealt with getting older and leaving His parents and His friends. Was He just content because He knew traveling and preaching was His destiny? Did He have divine comfort because of the God part of Him? He would be a homeless, poor traveler for His entire life. Was He nervous?

I want to know because if I knew Jesus was nervous and went through the same things that I am dealing with now, I might not feel so sorry for myself. I might be able to look to stories about Our Savior and how He said goodbye to His mother before He went out to preach. Or how He fought with His earthly father Joseph or His little brother James.

Give me 21 year old Jesus and all of his adolescent craziness. Then maybe my life won't feel like it is in shambles.

This I (sort of) Believe

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the difference between what we want to believe and what we actually do believe.

And it has been tearing me apart.


I want to believe a lot of things:

I want to believe that humanity is good at heart.
I want to believe that people who do cruel things are the exception, not the rule.
I want to believe that the government is going to protect our rights.
I want to believe that the God of today is more like the God of the New Testament and less like the God of the Old Testament.
I want to believe that when bad things happen it is not always because God is teaching us a lesson.
I want to believe that the financial insecurity of being a pastor will not interfere with my plans for a family and a future.
I want to believe that I can be without luxuries and not complain.
I want to believe that there are many more good people than hurtful people in the world.

I want to believe these things. I'm not sure I'm quite there yet. Social media and mainstream media hurts my beliefs in many ways. The news likes to reports all of the "oh no's" of the world, not the "oh yeses!"  I think it hurts a lot of people's faith, not just mine. It is hard being an upbeat Christian when much of the world around you seems to be saying that everything is going wrong and people are cruel.

With school shootings, kidnapping, and genocide, it is really hard to look at humanity and believe that it is really a nice group with which to be associated. I don't want to be a part of this fallen world, but the reality is that I am. And as a part of it, I am constantly searching for that small bit of hope in a world that is telling me there is none. I think many people in the older generation don't believe the children and grandchildren they raised can be joyful in a world of despair. I think it is hard for everyone in every generation. But I think our generation is more willing to look for what gives us hope. We won't take "despair" for an answer.

On this day, when I learned that one of my childhood best friends committed suicide... I'm looking for hope. I'm looking for something to cling to. I'm looking for joy in the midst of sorrow.

Jesus is my hope.

Jesus is what turns my "I want to believe" into "I really do believe" on a daily basis. My faith is small and still growing, so my hope is not always as well-developed as I would like it to be. But it is there. Jesus is the reason my psychological assessment reads, "she often views the world through rose-colored glasses." Jesus is my rose-colored glasses.

I DO believe that God has a plan for my life and for the lives of everyone in this world.
I DO believe that I can learn from the mistakes that I have made as well as the mistakes of others.
I DO believe that although we are fallen, God has given us new hope in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
I DO believe that my gifts and my call has led me to seminary this fall, despite and because of everything that this life has put me through.
I DO believe that I am saved.
I DO believe that everyone in the entire world is saved.

That is what I cling to. Don't we deserve a little hope in a world that seems to be falling apart around us? Don't we deserve to be called "beloved?"

An Ode a Friend (or two)

What if we met people that turned our worlds inside out and upside down when we needed it most?

What if people who completely shock your world continue to be a part of this ever changing piece of your life? Instead of just suddenly coming in and out of your life like lightening, what if they stay?

What if you continue to carry them with you throughout your life? Would they continue to change you or would you eventually grow accustomed to the changes and no longer feel their pull on your life?

I have this best friend. And I'm going to call her out because I'm that type of person.

Alex is the type of person you meet and you just can't help but tell her truth. All the time. Even if it gets you in trouble. She is someone I can be completely honest with and often times she shrugs her shoulders and says, "me too."  She is incredibly beautiful and she brings joy into people's lives before they even know what is going on.

She did that to me. And now I can't imagine my life without our late night talks about boys that turn into talks about faith and love and God and humanity and frailty and hurt.  Sometimes after we get off of a heavy subject, we step back and say, "woah! Where did that come from? That was weird. We should have recorded that."

We have dreams of leading a congregation together one day. Maybe not so far from now. I know that wherever I end up as a pastor, I will be employing her. She is one of the only people that is on the same (if not higher) level as me with organization and scheduling.  We would have the most efficient church in the world. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

But that's not the only reason I want her next to me in a congregation. She has a way of challenging me and questioning life that makes me want to be a better person. Don't get the wrong idea- I'm bragging about my best friend. I really wish I could keep all of her brilliance to myself but at the same time I wish I could share her with the entire world because people deserve joy. They deserve questions and challenges and hope. That's what Alex is to me. Alex is the embodiment of the idea that people aren't all bad. And that you don't have to be perfect to be really wonderful. And that God really has created people who love.

She has these brilliant moments that could make any theologian or preacher blush. (I fully plan on taking credit for them one day and sprinkling them around my sermons.)

One such remark was made when we were talking about how much love sucks- I mean hurts. 

"Love is how we touch God.  So we keep loving people and ourselves because it lets us touch Him.  But it hurts to touch holiness."

She'll deny it all day long, but she makes me a better person (besides our filthy language when we get together). She makes me love God more and lets me feel okay when I don't want to love God at all.

After my last blog post, Alex was the first one to tell me (almost immediately) that she loves me for me. No motives. No conditions. 

But she also told me that she's not the only one. There are people around me who love me because I am me. And I believe her. Weird. 

I have another friend who likes to challenge things. Although we haven't gotten into anything too deep, he's definitely on the same level with Alex and me. We question and poke and prod and we're generally unsatisfied with the answers found in text books or passed down for years. Tradition has its place but there's also room for growth and change. Someday we'll have a church. Someday God will be working through the three of us- more than He already is- and creating something new. 

I hope they continue to change me.  If I am able to keep them with me- physically, emotionally, distantly, directly- I want them to keep changing me in the ways that they did when they first shook up my life.  I want them to challenge me and push me toward something greater.

But I also want them to love me as boldly and fearlessly as they did at the very beginning. I never want that passion to dull.  That new friendship with the questions and discoveries- our favorite parts as a curious humanity.  I want all of that to continue with my best friends. I want them to be my coworkers and my Bible Study members and my Christmas dinner guests.

And they will be. Because God really likes threes. And He really likes messing up people's lives for good. 

Little things.

Sometimes it's the little things.

Wednesdays are some of my less exciting days.

I'm not required to go into work, but I go in anyway to make some extra cash. I usually sit around for about four hours, alternating between reading, blogging, and chatting with the people in the office.

Then I find something to eat and make my way to Bible study at Jacob's Porch.

I still wasn't fully convinced that I wanted to go to Panera as I pulled into the parking lot, but I went in anyway. You can't go wrong with broccoli cheddar soup and a baguette, right?

As I was sitting down with my laptop and food, a man asked me to help with something. He was sitting with who I am assuming was his girlfriend and her two daughters. He made the older girl turn around to me and ask for an adverb. After a brief freakout that I wouldn't remember what an adverb is (modifies a verb? Ah crap, that was 3rd grade!), I came up with "quickly."

It was then explained that the young girl was finding words for her Madlibs, but she could only ask strangers around Panera for words. I guess it was an exercise to help her come out of her introverted shell.

As I sat at the next table for an hour, the young girl got up the courage to ask at least ten other people for words for her Madlib. When a few friends gave her the very last words, she read the Madlib aloud to the group.  I looked up and saw that the various people she had asked before had gotten up and listened to the finished Madlib as well. People sitting around them all leaned in to listen. Students stopped studying and took out their headphones to catch a line of the Madlib.  Everyone was giggling and smiling.

This shy little girl brought unexpected joy to a dozen people during the dinner rush at Panera.

Just by bringing them together for a common goal.

Sometimes it's the little things.

"Youth Group"

Call me progressive, but I have an edgy view on youth groups in churches.

Here, let me first define "youth group" for you if you didn't grow up with one of these fancy things in your church.  A youth group is a (you got it!) group of young people that come together, usually on Sunday nights, to talk about God, play games, and sometimes serve in the community.  Some youth groups are divided between senior high school (10-12th grade) and junior high school (7-9th grade).  I'm definitely a fan of dividing it that way, so we are going to assume from now on, I'm talking about the senior high youth kids.  

This age group (let's say it's about 16 through 18 year olds) is what I would call "young adults."  Maybe I'm giving them a bit too much credit. Whatever.

When I was in high school (three years ago), I wanted to be treated with respect. I'm guessing not a whole lot has changed.  Students from 16 to 18 aren't stupid. They're starting to get into things like alcohol, parties, people of the opposite sex. Boys no longer have cooties and girls are suddenly a bit more attractive.  

Dear parents, 

Whether or not your child actually partakes in things such as drugs, alcohol, sex, parties and other "high school" activities, is irrelevant. You can flip to a different page if you think your children are completely innocent and wouldn't even LOOK at a beer. But the point is, they won't always be under your roof and they will ALWAYS have temptations by peers, no matter how holy they are. Your children are not living in a bubble.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I'm being realistic. Young people start to get into some pretty scary stuff in high school. Even if they don't "get into it," you better believe they have seen it happening around them. 

So what does this have to do with youth group?

I believe that the church has place in the middle of all of this sinful living. We have to, right? If we didn't, we couldn't really be pursuing the Kingdom of God.

This is where I think youth groups should step in and be a compliment to the parents. We aren't here to raise your kids, don't get me wrong. But I think youth group should be a place that is open for questions (hard questions) about faith, growing up, and God.

I think it is important to equip young people with theological knowledge as well as let them form their own faith understandings throughout high school.  That way, once they are thrust out into the "real world" (read: college), they will know what's going on. Instead of ignoring real issues that they are facing now or will definitely be facing in the next few years (drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, homosexuality, poverty), youth groups have the opportunity to confront them early and help young people understand what the Church believes and help them develop their own beliefs.

Maybe I'm an exception, but when I was in high school I had a lot of questions that a) my friends didn't know the answers to, b) I would be too embarrassed to ask my friends anyway, c) I didn't feel comfortable asking my parents, or d) I didn't feel my youth group would be an appropriate place to ask them even though they were about faith! 

Things like:
"Why is having sex before marriage such a HUGE deal?"
"Why does the Church have this big problem with homosexuals?"
"What actually counts as 'having sex' according to the Bible...?"
"If you're raped and get pregnant, do you HAVE to keep the baby? What would God say about abortion in that case? Is it any different?"

Maybe other youth groups are different, but if I ever lead a youth group, we would be battling these things, questions and ideas weekly to equip our young people for the sinful world they are rapidly approaching and already living in.

Was your youth group different?
How would you have changed the youth group you grew up with?
Is my theory completely off?

I'd love to hear feedback on this one :) 

God Moment

If any of my readers know me in person, you know that I am... um... enthusiastic.

Let's just say there are some times when I get so excited that my words can't come out as fast as my mind is working. 

Right now I'm having one of those moments. And no, my fingers can't type as fast as my mind is working either. It's a problem. Because I just had one of those fantastic God moments that make me look up and go, "Okay! I see You!"

I am severely anxious about being so young. 

I graduated college after two years of study (when I was 20). 

I took "a year off" (you're allowed to laugh at that, friends) while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life (I'll be 21 in two weeks).

I start seminary in the fall. 

I will graduate (God willing) and receive my first call 4 years later (when I'm 25 years old). 

I was expressing this fear to one of my best friends Rachel at dinner tonight. I am terrified that people won't want to hear the Word from a 25 year old chick. Heck, I am afraid that people won't want to hear anything from a 25 year old chick. 

"I'm going to be expected to counsel people! Give them real life advice!" I was ranting (rather loudly) at the restaurant. "How am I going to do that?" We eventually went on with the conversation, talking about plans with my boyfriend and what we were doing next weekend. But I was still thinking about how terrifying it will be to be only 25 years old when I am called to a church. 

When the couple sitting next to us got up to leave from dinner, the man said, "excuse me, may I say something?" 

"I just want you to know that I would listen to you. If what you said was through God's Word and in the right Spirit, I would listen to you. Even at 25. And my wife and I are almost 60. You shouldn't feel threatened because you are young."

Okay! I see You!