How will we live the life we get to live? - Redeemer Episcopal

Luke 13:1-9 (NRSV) 

At that very time there were some present who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. ²He asked them, “Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were worse sinners than all other Galileans? ³No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as they did. ⁴Or those eighteen who were killed when the tower of Siloam fell on them—do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others living in Jerusalem? ⁵No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish just as they did.”

⁶Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. ⁷So he said to the gardener, ‘See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none. Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?’ ⁸He replied, ‘Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. ⁹If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’”

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You can listen to my sermon here.

Click on Mar 24, 2019 - Lent 3, "What we do matters"

(It is fairly similar to what is written below.)

There have been far too many tragedies lately. Between the cyclones throughout Mozambique, and the massacre in Christchurch, New Zealand— just naming those two are enough. But in the United States, we have seen unprecedented winter storms, terrible fires, bomb cyclones and floods throughout the midwest, and it seems every other week there is news of more violence. As I scanned the news, I realized that I could spend twenty minutes recounting the horrific things that have happened just in this past week. But I don’t need to do that for all of us to know that there have been far too many tragedies lately. 

This lament echoes the crowd’s from the gospel text as they their own story to Jesus this morning. Pilate had massacred Galileans recently. Jesus replies with another story: one of 18 people who were killed in an accident when a tower fell on them.

These tragedies, like the ones we experience today, begin to turn the wheels of our minds and hearts. They made people feel anxious. The question on the crowd’s mind was, “why did these people die?” That’s often the question we ask when bad things happen, right? Why? 

And the rest of the question doesn’t matter so much: we can fill in the blank… 

Why did God allow this to happen? 

Why did these people die?

Why do bad things happen to innocent and good people?

We are often asking “why?” 

Jesus replies that it is not a question of “why” they died, but that we will all die: the question is how will we live in the meantime? 

Father Wiley has been telling us for a few weeks now, that Lent is not a time to put aside our vices for a few weeks, just to pick them back up again after Easter. So, I’ll repeat what the rector has said before: vices, ideas, perspectives, and ideologies that we set at the foot of Christ, even as a Lenten discipline, should never be picked back up again. Jesus is explicit in the story this morning— life is fragile and short. What we do in the meantime matters. 

Lent is a time of preparation, a time of examining our lives, and ultimately, a time of repentance. That is what Jesus says in the text twice: “No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as they did. No, I tell you; unless you repent, you will all perish as they did.” 

Now, I thought about bringing a milk crate to stand on this morning and just yelling “repent or perish!” for 8 to 10 minutes, like the campus preachers do on the green at UNF. But first of all, it doesn’t really seem to be working for the campus preachers, and secondly, I think we have the wrong idea about repentance. And perishing, for that matter. 

Usually when I hear the word “repent,” I think about feeling really sorry for something, expressing regret for my faults and my sins, or even becoming more morally righteous. I should BE a better person if I’m truly repentant. And ultimately, I think those preachers on the green are concerned about how good we are on earth so that we don’t go to hell when we die.  

But repentance is less about where we go when we die, and more about how we live our lives today. If sin is turning away from God’s grace and neighbor, repentance is actively turning TOWARD God’s grace and our neighbor. Repentance is about accepting and living into the fact that God has already saved us from the power of sin through Jesus life, death, and resurrection. 

When Jesus talks of “perishing,” he isn’t talking about some divine punishment in the afterlife. He means that when we deny God and God’s grace, we are not able to fully live into who we were created to be. Our souls are not whole. We perish in comparison to the life we could be living in Christ. And this life is fragile and this life is short. What we do in the meantime matters. 

God has given us an incredible opportunity to seize God’s graciousness in this life. God does not leave us to our own devices to repent and be made new. As Jesus’ parable suggests, God gives us everything we need to flourish and produce good fruit: we are formed and reformed in baptism, nourished and fed in the holy meal, reminded of God’s goodness and love in God’s Word, enriched and cultivated with the liturgy. God has extended grace upon grace to God’s people through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ Jesus. Now we are asked to do what we were made by God to do: produce good fruit, actively turn back to God and to our neighbors, to see the world with the lens of grace instead of the lens of sin.  

Therefore, in this season of Lent, I invite you to examine those things that cause you to perish and cast aside your lens of sin for the lens of eternal and everlasting grace that God in Christ Jesus has gifted us on the cross. Because this life is fragile and this life is short. What we do in the meantime matters. Amen. 

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This sermon (or a Spirited version of it) was originally preached by me, Rev. Sarah Locke, on March 24, 2019 at Redeemer Episcopal in Jacksonville, Florida where I serve as the Assisting Priest and College Chaplain. 

Strive for justice and peace in all the earth

"To strive for justice and peace in all the earth is a kind of crescendo at the end of our baptismal commitments. To paraphrase the Gospel according to John, when 'people love darkness more than the light' (3:19), we don’t respond with condemnation but instead by shining Christ’s light to expose the weakness of the shadows." 

This is how Rev. Drew Tucker, the University Pastor at Capital University describes the final baptismal promise. 

Finding time to care about-- let along do anything about-- justice and peace while we are in college can feel incredibly overwhelming. I have heard a lot of critiques of my generation (millennials) and the generations after mine. Whether we are snowflakes, self-absorbed, social media crazed, obsessed with avocado toast, or killing various restaurant chains and industries, there seem to be many reasons to complain about college students these days. Many older people assert that things should just go back to the "good old days" before complications like smart phones and empathy. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't critical of my own and younger generations at times, but I find so much hope in young adults today as well. It is probably the reason I have a passion for young adult and campus ministry. Not a day goes by that the deep convictions and empathy of people younger than myself teach me to be more like Jesus. 

Indeed, campus ministry is often where the journey in pursuit of justice and peace begin for many people. Josh Hayes, a previous student at Jacob's Porch puts it this way: 

"Campus ministry was where I first heard the term social justice. Nearly everyone I know from JP (Jacob's Porch) is still extremely active in the realm of justice and the pursuit of peace. Though it can be difficult to work toward justice, the knowledge of what it means to those who have been treated unjustly is the most compelling call to action."

Pastor Tucker confirms this idea that sometimes campus ministry is where the roots of justice and peace take hold of God's children and refuse to be pulled up.  

"In my various experience in Lutheran campus ministry, I’ve seen students take the lead on including people who identify as LGBTQ+ fully in the life of the church. I’ve seen campus communities open their empty housing to refugee families in need. I’ve seen white, straight, cisgendered, male students use their privilege to center the voices of people of color, women, immigrants, and others typically marginalized in our society. Most recently, I’ve been invited to celebrate the transition of a student in worship with an affirmation of baptism that honors God's grace offered long before the transition and is now experienced anew in the fullness of his life. For me, campus ministry is where the light of God’s call for justice and peace pierces the shadowy veils of judgment with God’s expansive, inclusive love."

As busy as college students often are, I and others have witnessed over and over again the drive and passion that students have for seeking justice and peace in the places and times they live in today. I have never heard a student say, "I know there is a lot of suffering in the world, but I can't do anything about it now. Let me wait until I graduate." Rather, I more often hear students say things like, "I know there is suffering and injustice in the world, and right here on this campus. How can I be a part of the change right now?"

Although campus ministry doesn't always get it right and we have a long way to go to look like the Kin-dom of God, I love being able to reply, "by joining in what we are doing at campus ministry, you can help us change not only this community but this campus and the world."  

Live among God's faithful people

I think there is a reason that baptismal covenants often start with something about relationships.

Do you intend to continue in the covenant God made with you in holy baptism: to live among God's faithful people?

Relationships are quite possibly the most important part of our faith lives. Bonhoeffer's famous book about the Christian life is appropriately named Life Together. We simply cannot be followers of Christ without being in relationship with others. It's not possible.

For many people who were raised within Christian households, this may be second nature. We attended worship services, Bible studies, Sunday School, and maybe some of our closest friends and our parents' friends were from the congregation in which we grew up. It just made sense to live life together as God's people. But sometimes the church, as we experience it growing up, is not the best place for growing toward relationship with others or even toward relationship with God.

I invite you to hear Derek's story as he shared it with me:

"LCM [Lutheran Campus Ministry] taught me what it means to live among God’s faithful people. I grew up in a large church that was impersonal, isolating, and, at times, abusive. Even though I attended this church for over a decade, there was always a metaphorical wall between me and the people that I saw every Sunday: I was afraid to be vulnerable with anyone there. I actually walked away from religion entirely for several years after leaving this church. LCM was instrumental in helping me heal from this experience. At LCM, I found a community where I did not have to wear a mask or put up a front. I began to feel close to God and to other people for the first time in my life. There is, perhaps, a reason that “living among God’s faithful people” is listed first in the baptismal promises: it is difficult to share in God’s word, proclaim the good news, serve others, and strive for justice if there is no foundational sense of community. I am grateful to LCM for providing me with the fellowship and solidarity that I needed to begin to live out these other promises."

Campus ministry provides an opportunity for many students to not only find a new community in Christ, but oftentimes heal from the experiences of previous communities. Simply being in relationship with people who are struggling through the same life situations as you can be immensely helpful in furthering your faith. When we live among God's faithful people, we begin to understand ourselves and our God more fully. No one understands this sentiment more than Alex Long, who spent two years as in intern for campus ministry.

"For two years I lived in a church basement.  I was the ministry intern at Jacob's Porch, the Lutheran campus ministry at Ohio State, and part of the salary included housing in the church.  I was on scene for all the joys and triumphs of being a college student, as well as all the dramas and doubts.  I was blessed to see the day by day faith lives of dozens of people I still call friends and family.  From Bible studies to random sleepovers, sermons to coffee breaks, worship services to concerts, study breaks to trumpet practice at 9 in the morning, I was there for all of it.  There was nothing more rewarding and more draining than to live among God's faithful people.  And, there was nothing that helped my faith life more than helping others' faith lives.  My faith grew more deeply and richly than it ever would have done if I hadn't been the Porch intern and resident.  Living among God's people is not only a good thing to do for a solid faith life, I believe that it is a necessary thing to do for one's self."

It is not that students are unable to find their own clubs, social engagements, and groups to be a part of in college. But how many of these clubs are truly helping students form relationship, fellowship, and faithfulness during an incredibly challenging time in their lives? Campus ministry has an opportunity to be a place of safety, questioning, and encouragement for people struggling and celebrating through this formative time. Campus ministry has the opportunity to be a beautiful place in which we live among God's faithful people now, and for years to come.

Baptism & Campus Ministry

Lent is a season for many different things depending on your tradition, your background, and whether or not you're a pastor.

Growing up, I remember that everyone in our family "gave something up for Lent." My parents might "give up" carbs one year and, for as long I can remember, I "gave up" chocolate (a real sacrifice considering my birthday always fell within Lent). It is for that reason I always associated Lent with a sort of "second New Year's resolution" time in the church calendar.

Others may take on other spiritual disciplines that have nothing to do with food or physical health. Others (pastors) may try to get through the season as quickly as possible, jump right over Easter, and enjoy the Ordinary Time while it lasts (I see you, pastors, and I totally get it).

This year I am doing something completely different during the season of Lent. For me, it will be a time of reflection and a time of celebration for two of my favorite facets of the church-- baptism and campus ministry.

In baptism, no matter what tradition we hail from, we make promises (or promises are made on our behalf) that look something like this:

You have made public profession of your faith. 
Do you intend to continue in the covenant God made with you in holy baptism: 
    to live among God’s faithful people, 
    to hear the word of God and share in the Lord’s supper, 
    to proclaim the good news of God in Christ through word and deed, 
    to serve all people, following the example of Jesus, and 
    to strive for justice and peace in all the earth? 

Each person responds: I do, and I ask God to help and guide me.

I love these promises. The ELCA asks some vital questions about these promises in their The Baptismal Covenant and the ELCA Faith Practices document.

"Then the question arises, 'How do we live out this lifelong journey with God?' In other words, what are the behaviors, disciplines, signposts, tools, activities, paths, or practices that demonstrate in our words and in our deeds our intention to live out this lifelong journey with God?"

For me, and for millions of students, campus ministry is one of the many ways we were and are empowered to demonstrate our intention to live out this journey with God. Yet, our congregations and the church as a whole often overlooks campus ministry as, at best supplementary, and at worse unnecessary for faith formation in young adults. By the end of Lent, I hope I will have a firmer grasp on how vital campus ministry is for students' faith formation during some of the most tumultuous years of their lives.

But campus ministry is not just important for students. In campus ministry, congregations have the opportunity to uphold the promises they made on a child's behalf in baptism. As Sarah Bowers of Columbia, South Carolina puts it:

"Those sitting in the pews are a part of those promises too and they can't go to college with each of the students, so campus ministry offers for our young adults, in some way, where the congregations have left off when they graduate high school. If you don't value campus ministry and the place it holds for those 4-6 years of a young adult's life, then what was all the work of faith formation when they were in 1st-12th grade for?"

This Lenten season, I will be reflecting a bit about each of these five promises that are made in baptism and expounding on how campus ministry can help us in the lifelong journey with God. I'll be engaging the experiences of some campus ministry leaders and students to help weave a story of how campus ministry truly is a vital part of faith formation for millions of students across the country.

I hope you will join me.

A Terrifyingly Beautiful Call

(Sermon at Luther House Chapel on April 10, 2016 - John 21:1-19)

Last year when I was working in a church, I was approached by a parishioner after preaching. He said, "Sarah, you should really stop starting your sermons with 'I love this story of Jesus.' Surely you don't love every story of Jesus. And anyway, you use the same beginning for every sermon."

At the time, I smiled sweetly and said, "Oh but I do love every story of Jesus. There is not a single story of Jesus and his disciples that does not bring me great joy. I love them. And I love telling them! But you're right - I should probably stop repeating myself."

And I do. I love every story of Jesus - but I understand his point. Sometimes saying I love every story of Jesus doesn't quite do every story justice. Take this story, for instance - I do love this story of Jesus and his disciples. The imagery is rich, Jesus nourished his friends - it is a beautiful scene. But I don't just love this story - this passage actually terrifies me.

Like the disciples, we really have no idea what we are getting ourselves into when we encounter God incarnate in Christ Jesus. We encounter God - or rather God comes crashing into our life - and suddenly things are turned upside down and inside out. It's terrifying.

My husband calls these "mountain-top experiences." And I would guess that many of you have had these experiences throughout your life. It could be while you are on a mission trip, it could be the moment you hold your newborn baby in your arms for the first time, it might be in the midst of great pain and sorrow... You can have these experiences throughout your entire life - in fact, for some of us, it is what brought us to church in the first place.

One of my mountain-top experiences happened in the Central American country of Honduras, literally on the side of a mountain in a small village.

It is the kind of experience that makes God feel so close. Suddenly and beautifully you know that you're walking on holy ground and the existence of God and the love of Christ are undeniable. And somehow, in some way, you know your whole life has changed. You know your identity has shifted and your goals and your mission in life are new and more important.

All of that happened to me on that side of the mountain in Honduras - everything change and all of a sudden I knew I wanted to do international mission work. I knew I wanted to travel the world and meet new people and fall in love with all of God's creation. I was so ready for the next adventure, I wanted to change my plans and change my life to go where God was leading me.

But ten days later, I was back in the United States and I decided not to quit seminary, I decided not to immediately become a missionary. I began classes again and I started work once more. And as I entered the usual drudgery of providing for myself and thinking of my own needs, I slowly forgot about all those powerful moments on the side of that mountain. The fire that had been blazing in Honduras started to diminish until it was just embers.

That's exactly where we meet the disciples in the passage this morning. They had been following Jesus for nearly three years - surely having mountain-top moments on a daily basis as Jesus healed people around him and taught them about scripture. Their lives had been changed, their hearts had been renewed and shifted in these moments. There was a fire lit in their hearts that was roaring for the mission that Christ had given them.

But then Jesus died, and the fire faded - they became scared and worried that maybe they couldn't live out this mission for Jesus. And then they witnessed him resurrected - another beautifully terrifying mountain-top experience.  But then he was gone again, and they were left with this mission that seemed too hard and too crazy.

And isn't that exactly where we are today? Two weeks ago, we came to church early (early early) and greeted one another with joy and thanksgiving that our redeemer lives! And we shouted "hallelujah!" And we sang songs and hymns with more energy than we should be able to muster at 6:30am.

And now, only a few weeks later we can barely drag ourselves out of bed to make it to church. We have forgotten that it is still Easter and we should still be shouting "hallelujah!" We have forgotten that Christ lives.

So the disciples are coming down off of all these mountain-top experiences and they know deep within their bones that everything has changed. They themselves have been changed but they are lost and they don't know where to go from here.

So they decided to go back to what they knew before Jesus had entered their lives and completely changed them. But if I know anything, it is that once Jesus enters your life, there is no going back to the way things used to be. You can try, but it will not be the same. So they went fishing. The disciples went back to the everyday drudgery of life. They did what they needed to do to provide for themselves and their families.

But I imagine that the reason they didn't catch any fish might be because they could feel that uneasiness, the restlessness, knowing everything had changed and that fishing was not what they were supposed to be doing. I imagine they felt something similar to what I felt when I came back from Honduras - I was restless and unsatisfied with life. Nothing seemed to be quite right because I tried so hard to go back to my old ways of living - before Jesus had come so close to me on that mountain.

And Jesus, as loving and persistent as he is, and wanting to make sure his disciples completely "get it" before he leaves them, he comes back and reminds them again. He reminds them who he is and what his mission is. He reminds them of whose they are and what their mission is.

And this is the terrifyingly beautiful part - Jesus doesn't just leave the disciples with a new job or a check list of things they need to get done as his disciples. He says, "feed my lambs, provide for my lambs, feed my sheep." He commands them to become shepherds. And if you know anything about being a shepherd, you know that "shepherd" is not a job title, it is an identity.

You can't take your "shepherd hat" on and off as you please. You cannot go out to the fields and throw food out to the sheep and lambs twice a day and call yourself a shepherd. Being a shepherd is 100% effort, 100% of the time. It is our new identity, it is our new mission and our new life. That is what it means to be a disciples of Christ.

Following Jesus is not easy and it is certainly not a list of things that we can check off our to do list every day. And that's why this passage is so terrifying to me. That is why mountain-top experiences are so terrifying and beautiful - because when God comes so close that we can no longer deny God,  we are in for real change. Our lives are no longer about taking care of ourselves. All of a sudden we are given all of these sheep in the form of our brothers and sisters in this world - our loved ones, our friends, our enemies, people in foreign lands we have never met - for whom we are called to lay down our lives. Just as Jesus laid down his life for all.

So this morning and throughout this season I pray that we take these mountain-top experiences, these moments when God comes so close that we suddenly feel changed and re-created, and we do not back away. When Jesus call us to feed his sheep and follow him, I pray that we understand the terrifyingly beautiful call to be his disciples and accept it - empowered by the Holy Spirit and renewed by the promise of our risen Christ and of the coming Kingdom. Amen.

Christian First

Like many Americans, and people all over the world, my faith is a huge determining factor in my decision-making. Although I'm not as "good" at it as I would like to imagine, I try to handle most situations in an ethical, theological, and Christo-centric way.

I am certainly an American, but I must confess, as I have confessed before - I am a Christian first. "Christ follower," "Christian," "disciple" - however you wish to put it - is my first and most important label. In fact, it is my only label. Many people will try to give me other labels first: liberal, feminist, American, millennial, Army brat, regular brat... whatever. But the reality of it is this: my identity in Christ, the fact that God has claimed me as God's child, makes all of those other labels fall away (Colossians 3:11; Galatians 3:28). 

That is why my decision-making comes from the deep reality of my identity as a Christian. That is why my Christianity deeply influences who I will vote for in the coming presidential election. It is, in fact, the only thing that will influence me in the upcoming election. Call me ignorant to economics, call me a pseudo political scientist (although my bachelor's degree says I'm a real one), but it will be my faith that influences me most in this election, not my fragile identity as an American or liberal or millennial.

My top five "issues" as a Christian: 

1) Mercy (Psalm 145:9; Hebrew 4:16; see also Jesus on the cross)
2) Equity (Romans 2:11; Galatians 3:28; 1 Corinthians 12)
3) Care (Philippians 2:4; Galatians 6:2; Proverbs 21:13; John 13:34-35)
4) Justice (Romans 12:19; Isaiah 1:17, 30:18-19; Micah 6:8)
5) Wholeness/Reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19; also see every healing passage)


These are the top five things I look for in a candidate's policies, in his or her character, and in his or her history. These are obviously biblically driven and things that Jesus found to be incredibly important.

2 Corinthians tells us that as God's children, we have the responsibility, the privilege, and opportunity to proclaim the message of reconciliation.

"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Reconciliation was Jesus' purpose on this earth, therefore as one of his followers, it is my purpose on this earth. As presidential candidates, I will look for the candidate whose policies allow for these qualities to shine in this nation and throughout the world. I will look for a candidate who seems to have a heart that aligns with the gospel of Christ Jesus, regardless of what his or her religious beliefs might be. I will look for a candidate who speaks, acts, and loves most like Jesus - one who has high hopes of bringing mercy, equity, care, justice, and reconciliation into this broken nation and throughout the world.

I invite you to join me in digging deep this political season and discern Jesus' platform on each of these hot button issues. There is no doubt our conclusions will vary, but if we direct our eyes and hearts toward God and Christ's work of reconciliation, I hope we can begin to find common ground.

From Yvon to home

We spent the majority of our time in Yvon working on a large church at the bottom of a hill.  It was a beautiful work of cement art, big enough for over 200 people.  

The other time was spent exploring the beautiful hills surrounding the village and spending time with the kids in the area.  If children can afford to go to the school in the village, they learn French, English, Creole, and Spanish.  We were better able to communicate with many of the children than the adults who had been out of school for many years.  I spoke the tiny bit of French I know, but immediately had better success with English.  The little girls giggled and asked shyly to take the coloring books while the young men asked how to translate things into English.  “How do you say…?” became a favorite phrase between us and the children.  

Every night we slowly made our way back up the mountain, exhausted from the sunshine and work.  We ate all of our meals in the old church that overlooks a huge beautiful lake.  We mostly had rice and beans with fried plantains and chicken.  After dinner we pulled out boxes of dominos and turned on the generator, which powered the lights on the porch, in the kitchen, and one bulb in the church.  About thirty people from all over the village came to play cards and dominos or laugh and sing church songs with us.   

Some days we walked down to the well to help people pump water into five gallon bottles or buckets so they could take it home or bathe in the shadows of the palm trees.  It was difficult work.  The long metal pole to pump the water took almost all of my body weight before a tiny bit of water squirted out.  The well was where everyone gathered at least four times a day.  Even the smallest children pulled and poked their donkeys to the well to gather water for their families.

We talked a lot about the earthquake within our group but we were too afraid  to ask too much from the people in the community.  We weren’t sure if they or their families were directly affected by it or how they would react to our questions.  We finally found  enough courage to ask one of our translators Napoleon and were struck by his story. 

He was in the university at the time, studying to be a translator as it is one of the few semi-guaranteed jobs in the country due to the mission trips that have been more and more frequent in the past five years.  Napoleon was running late the morning of the earthquake.  He said he was walking to the university when he felt the ground move beneath him and the walls around him start to crumble.  He laid flat on the ground and thought to himself, “this is the end, I will die here.”  As the quakes and the aftershock stopped, he continued his walk to the university.  What he saw was complete devastation.  The entire four story building collapsed, killing over 200 students and more than a dozen professors.  

Napoleon said that it was much worse for people who were in school or had jobs - they were the ones inside the buildings when they collapsed that day.  He hesitantly told us about his cousins who worked on the first floor of a hotel.  The entire building fell upon them.  

On the last day of our trip we drove over five hours to one of the memorials, honoring the lives of thousands of people who died in the earthquake.  The memorial was at the sight of a mass grave where bodies were piled into a hole by a dumpster after the quake.  

It was eerie and devastating.  There was a deafening silence - anyone who may have lived near the area has long since left due to superstition and respect.  Over the walls we could see the city of Soleil (the poorest city in Haiti) with clouds of ash coming from the communes where they burned piles of trash.  We sat at the memorial for  several minutes, each of us praying or meditating, remembering in our own ways.  

We flew home the next day after spending a long time in the Haitian airport.  I haven’t been able to write much about Haiti since that day until I sat down to write this.  For a long time I have prayed a devastating prayer: “Lord, break my heart for the things that break your heart. Ruin me for the ordinary and for the easy.”  God has answered my prayers in this trip. 

I want to learn to live in a way that empowers others instead of treading on them.  I want to learn to enable them and help them identify their gifts and calling in this world.  I wish to be a leader who is able to follow, one who leads with gentleness and kindness as well as justice.  I wish to seek the assets of communities and peoples instead of first noticing the weaknesses.  I hope to find redemption and grace in all situations and experiences.  I hope that God will continue to ruin me for the cultural norms and the things that society thinks are natural.  I hope to follow Christ in all my actions and do God’s will - especially when it leads me to new places and makes me feel uncomfortable.  

So, you might be asking (as I am), what is next?  What can we do for a country that takes our aid and sells it for profit?  What can we do for a country that continues to take handouts because they are readily available and jobs are not. 

One thing we are able to do right away is change our thought process.  We must think in terms of what we can do with Haiti instead of for Haiti.  We must partner with the government and aid organizations that are already in Haiti and accountable.  We must look for the strengths within Haiti and throughout the Haitian people instead of focusing on their weaknesses. 

We can also work with churches within Haiti who are accountable to help put money into the Haitian economy.  Although there is a lot of literature about how harmful short term missions are for countries, when done correctly they pour thousands of dollars into the country’s economy and encourage people to care about foreign countries.  Our mission trip gave over $3,200 for the new church and to pay the workers and translators that stayed with us that week.  That money will not go to corrupt government officials or unaccountable aid organizations.  It will go directly back into the Haitian economy.  

We can also pray.  Although it sounds benign considering the pain and heartbreak in Haiti, we know that God is able to do incredible things.  We have no knowledge of what God might do through pray and what God has already done through the churches in Haiti.    

Here I Am

It has been a long time since I have written anything.  It turns out that seminary keeps you as busy as everyone says it does!

I just got back from an incredible trip to Haiti where seven of us spent six days in the small village of Yvon building a church.  I am never very good about writing after I come back from trips - it takes me a long time to absorb everything after a trip like that.

But as I reflect on my trip and recover from sleep (and binge watch Netflix), I cannot help but think of the words that our Mary uttered just a few weeks ago in the lectionary.  My sermon might not do it justice, but I keep thinking about how willingly Mary accepted her new journey with God.

Another thing rolling around in my brain is about internship.  Where am I going? Will we have a weekend free to get married? Why hasn't anyone emailed me in over three weeks?

But I do have one assurance.  God is calling me to something different.  And God is there when I take that journey.  No matter where I am called - to Haiti, Argentina, London, or South Carolina - God provides and God journeys with me.  All I have to say is, "Here I am."

So with that in mind, here's a link to my sermon from Advent 4. I had the incredible opportunity to preach in my home congregation over Christmas break.  I heard a lot of people say that it was a blessing to have me preach that morning, but I feel that I have been blessed doubly by such an incredible congregation and the story of Mary that has been resonating in my soul for several weeks.

Generational Love

Ruth 1:1-18

Psalm 146

Hebrews 9:11-14

Mark 12: 28-34

There are 4,200 different religions in the world.  There are 5,000 ethnic groups in the world.  There are 318 MILLION people in the United States alone.  But we aren’t just diverse as a people, we are diverse as generations.  There are more people over 50 living in the United States than any other time in all of history.  That’s pretty awesome.  But it just shows how completely different and spread out people are throughout the country, but also throughout the Church.  If you look around this morning, there are all sort of different people who come from completely different places and live such different lives.  And we are all different ages and grew up in different generations. 

Things are different than they were five, ten, twenty years ago.  I see you smiling.  You know what I’m talking about. Everything has changed - how we communicate has changed from hand-written letters to telegrams to phone calls and text messages.  How we raise our children has changed with electronics and schools transforming.  Even the way we worship has changed.  My parents had no idea what “contemporary worship” meant when they were growing up.  

And let’s be honest, it divides us.  There are many people who love traditional worship, many people who love contemporary.  There are a lot of people who say no cell phones for kids until they are fifteen years old and some who will give in around 8 years old.  Generations are different and I think it’s a good thing.  It is certainly a natural change.  

But there is something that unifies us.  And I think Jesus and Ruth both get to it in these passages.  You heard most of the backstory with Ruth - her husband dies and there is no other relative to take as her husband.  Naomi does such a noble thing there with Ruth - she tells her to go back to her people and find a husband so that she might not have to live a lonely life and a life of poverty.  Naomi didn’t have to give Ruth that blessing... and Ruth certainly could have taken that blessing and left.  But she did something different.  She, because she felt connected to Naomi in a deeper way than just being her daughter-in-law, stays with Naomi and loves her like her own mother.  I think as a church, we can really learn from that.  

They weren’t from the same tribe of people, they didn’t have the same friends.   But something connected them.  Somehow, during their time together, Naomi was able to pass down something so incredibly vital for Ruth, that Ruth wasn’t willing to part from her.  She knew she would live in poverty and that she could never marry another man and have children.  This meant shame and complete loneliness during that time.  But there was a love and connection that kept Ruth from following her sister-in-law back to her old life.  Naomi had instilled in Ruth the traditions of her people and the value of her religion.  

“Do not press me to leave you
    or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
    where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people,
    and your God my God.

Where you die, I will die—
    there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus and so to me,
    and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!”

That is beautiful. 

It was the unity of God and the unity of kinship that kept those women together, even through the most difficult time in their lives.  But it wasn’t just the kinship and unity of God, it was love.  Naomi loved Ruth enough to allow her to go back to her family and find another husband and live a fruitful life.  And we know how much Ruth loved her mother-in-law - enough to stay with her and live a life of poverty.  

In the gospel, Jesus tells us that the two most important commandments are to  “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength” and  "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Naomi was able to pass down both of these commandments to Ruth.  

One of the most incredible things we are able to pass down to young people is love.  I believe, as a child of two wonderful parents that the most important thing they taught me was how to love.  They were good at it, after all.  They love each other and they love my brother and me.  I can’t think of a single time growing up that I didn’t feel my parents’ love for me.  And I don’t think that they just woke up on the morning of becoming parents and decided to learn how to love.  It’s something that their parents taught them and their grandparents passed down as well.  Love is something that is almost necessarily passed down from generation to generation.  It is love that we have in common with all of the generations before us and all of the generation after us.  It was the love of God and the love of one another that kept Ruth and Naomi together.  

We have that same type of love that keeps us together as a church body.  We have the love of Christ.  We have a unity of spirit that is able to hold us together through space and time - through the generations and through the diversity of the world.  We have unity because of the Trinitarian God.  God so loved this world and Jesus Christ died for the love of the world.  The Holy Spirit was given to the church to remain and nurture the church.  It was given in order to be a comforter, a guide, and a way to keep the church unified.  

Our response to this gift of love and commitment that our God has given us so freely is these two commandments.  Love God with all of your heart and all of your mind and all of your soul.  And love your neighbor as yourself.  This response is meant to keep the church together and provide real relationship within the church and outside of the church.

We celebrate this unity and this relationship in two sacred ways in the Lutheran church - the waters of baptism and Holy Communion.  Baptism is a reminder that we belong in God’s family.  Communion is a celebration and remembrance that we are in this together.  And the really cool part is that it’s not just this church that is unified in Christ.  We are together with all of the saints and sinners throughout all of time and space.  Our grandparents and great-grandparents.  People who have yet to be born.  Every generation and throughout the entire world, we are all of one spirit in Christ Jesus.  

Things are going to keep changing.  Generations will continue to feel further and further apart.  The world will continue to expand and diversify.  But if we are able to teach people of all ages that the two greatest commandments are to love God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul and to love your neighbor as yourself, the unity of the spirit in Jesus Christ cannot be broken.  

18 Ugly Truths about Modern Dating

I am a sad, desperate browser  of Thought Catalog. I'm not ashamed. (I'm a little ashamed.) And I particularly love the relationship lists the writers seem to be obsessed with. What can I say? I'm a young woman of the 21st century. Give me all of the opinions on relationships you're willing to share! I eat that crap up.

Recently, there was a post (list) titled, "18 Ugly Truths about Modern Dating That You Have to Deal With."  Ignoring the fact that that title is far too long for an 800 word blog post, I'm having some issues with what is presented.

Go read the blog then come back here. Or open up a new window. I think I'd break some plagiarism rules if I copy and pasted it here. I'll be commentating because relationships are important and I hate it when people think they have to be all drama and movies to be real. Or that "modern day relationships" must be something "different" than what they used to be.

Preface: Let me define "relationship." I think the Thought Catalog author and I would disagree on this point. To me, a relationship means more than "hanging out" or "talking" as the middle schoolers like to put it. You're not in a relationship unless there's a clear understanding and acceptance of it from BOTH parties. And there's some sort of commitment like not dating other people at the same time. When did "dating" become a vague taboo word?

With that said, if you're cool with "hooking up" and being "friends with benefits" then by all means, do that. But don't pretend it's a real relationship with commitment from both sides. So if you're not into "real relationships" then this post isn't really addressed to you. The one on Thought Catalog probably is.

1. Relationships - real relationships - are not about power. They are about love, which is WAY better than "power"... whatever "power" in a relationship means... You should be outdoing each other in love, not trying to pretend you care less. What kind of relationship is that anyway?

2. And if your partner thinks they are more powerful because they care less about the relationship than you and starts playing power cards on you, then get out. I was in a relationship that played a lot of power games and it ended badly.

3. There is still this thing called "honesty" in relationships. If you can't be honest and say, "hey, I like you," and have the other person respect you for it, then boo on them. 

4. Making phone calls might be dying. It's not the "normal" thing to do anymore. Whatever. You know what else isn't "cool" or "normal?" Asking the person if you can kiss them or call them. Letters. Notes left by your bedside. Flowers for no reason. There's still people out there that will do those things for you. I promise. And you deserve it. 

5. Set plans are dead? What? What happened to calendars and schedules? And commitment. If someone isn't willing to commit to you in a relationship and you want commitment, stop kidding yourself - it's not a real relationship you want to be in. 

6. They used the word karma. Enough said. 

7. Romantic is in the eye of the beholder/receiver, yes. I can mostly agree with this. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try. I've been creepy before. I'm still friends with most of the people I creeped out. 

8. Are we talking about real relationships here? "Wanna hang out?" typically means "I have a lot of homework and want to put it off for several hours, can we snuggle and watch Netflix until I fall asleep?" And no, that doesn't mean "hooking up." 

9. Not everyone is a terrible person. However, there are definitely people who just want to hook up. That's why commitment is vital, especially when sex is involved. Sex shouldn't be something you throw around casually to your friends if you are looking for a committed relationship. 

10. This is probably true. If your person is lying about little things like that, then they are probably lying about other things. Also, that text that "wasn't supposed to go to you" and "was a joke" with someone else is probably as suspicious as you think it is. I learned this the hard way. Call the person out. 

11. If someone is afraid of commitment and you are totally into commitment, there's some unevenness in the relationship. It's probably not that he/she is afraid of commitment, but afraid of commitment with you. I learned this one the hard way too. 

12. Social media doesn't increase the chances of people cheating. Social media makes it easier. The chance that someone cheats is directly related to how much they love you. A person who loves you would never hurt you like that. 

13. "Attractive people menu?" What? I can't even... 

14. I'm into being friends with someone first. I know, I know - then you're in the friend zone or they start dating someone else. I get that. But sometimes it works out and you have already seen their crazy, manic, geeky, late-night, hangry, and adorkable side by the time you date them. And that's especially awesome because then you get to see their romantic, loving, best friend side AND you get to kiss them. Win-win. 

15. Sometimes you get to stay friends with them. That's a pretty cool option. 

16. I love subtweeting as much as the next person, but unless you (and your person) are able to directly let you know how many feels they have for you, it's probably not going to work out. Social media nuances do not a relationship make. 

17. Your real friends won't hurt you. Also, there shouldn't be any fear of people trying to "steal" your person. If he/she is committed to you, there will barely be a half second to look at anyone else. Sure, girls might moon over how he plays guitar or his beautiful blue eyes, but don't worry - he's not going anywhere. 

18. If someone dumps you via text/IM/Facebook/anything but face-to-face - you don't want to be with them anyway. Good riddance. 

My Restlessness

Restless (adj.) - unquiet or uneasy, as a person, the mind, or the heart; unceasingly active; averse to quiet or inaction, as persons.

I think my restlessness started when I was very young. We moved around a lot when I was a child and once you are accustomed to something for 14 years, it becomes a part of who you are. Every two years (sometimes sooner) I feel a type of tugging- a want for less routine, more spontaneity, something new, a purging of all that is old.

My restlessness has led me to do some silly things. I begged my mom to redecorate my bedroom while I was in high school because we had no plans of moving. When I was in college I cut off all of my hair in the quest for something new and different. Sometimes I try out a new style of clothing for a while. It's like a midlife crisis every two years.

My restlessness has also led me to do some other mildly crazier things. Like draining my bank account on a ticket to Hawaii for ten days. And writing an entrance essay for seminary.

Sometimes it's a combination of restlessness, anger, sorrow, the need for freedom - the realization of something small - for me to do the big things that need to be done. Breaking off an engagement. Ending a relationship of almost five years.

I'm afraid my restlessness will leave me alone in this life. If not alone, it certainly has the potential to leave me lonely. In my need for change, I pick everything up and move. I leave the people I love in the search for something to stop my restlessness.

I used to be afraid I would never find the cure to my restlessness.

Then I went to Honduras.

Honduras seemed to settle me. I never felt more physically healthy than when I was in Honduras. Even the things you'd expect from international travel (exhaustion, stomach issues, soreness from more physical work I'm used to) didn't bother me at all.  I have had neck and shoulder issues from being a student for 17 years and sleeping on a thin mat on a concrete floor didn't leave me aching in the morning.

I also couldn't have been happier than I was in Honduras.  I missed talking to my parents and friends, sure; but I don't think I've ever laughed for ten days straight and I was filled with so much joy while I was there.

I felt filled with the Holy Spirit on a moment to moment basis in a way I've never felt before. I could see God in every child's face and every evening worship service.  I felt God's touch every time a six year old held my hand and in the mornings when the weigh of the mist in the mountains was heavy.

I wasn't restless there.

It took me about 4 hours in the country before I felt as if I belonged there. I've never felt so at home. We had something to do every single day and there was a new adventure around the corner of every dirt road. If I ever got bored in Honduras, I was doing something wrong.  There were endless things for me to learn there.

I miss it every day.

I'm no longer afraid that I will never find a cure for my restlessness. I know that God will lead me back to a place like Honduras. I feel the workings of that every day as I sit in class and as I talk to professors and pastors about international mission.

But it's really hard to wait. I'm doing everything I can to convince myself to stay in seminary and finish my degree. But it's so hard when I'm restless here. Especially restless here. I'm comfortable here and I hate being comfortable.

I long for poverty and adventure and challenge and love. I long for the faces of children and laughter surrounding me every day. And I don't know what that means for my future or where I'll be in the world, but I know I won't settle until my life is consumed by it.

Love.

I've had this video saved for a few months now. I watched it once. I don't remember where I first found it. Then I watched it six times after that. The "script" is written out below.

I heard that God wears a white hood and burns crosses.
I heard that God sold kool-aid to Jim Jones.
I heard that DOMA was written in his handwriting.
I heard that God seeks revenge through natural disaster.
I heard that God watches torture in his inquisitions.
I heard that God fashioned Matthew Shepherd into a crucifix.
I heard that God protests at funerals.
I heard heaven's gates were built to keep me out. 

That God's word forces secrets into my back pockets.
Leviticus 18:22 and men I cannot call my lovers
In wooden pews, that I am unholy.
Demonized
Heretic
That'll I'll end up in October crucifixion.
A rusted fence of sin
They say that God can soundproof his ears to fags
That he never meant to create.  

They say that God has abandoned me.
For never coming to wrathful sermons
That called me a bastard, orphan, sinner
I heard heaven is built on faith alone
Half baked apologies fed to God's willing eardrum
Blackened keys to heaven's gates
A white robe for even the bloodiest of hands
I heard God's forgiveness is just permission to be vengeful
That all it takes to be a good Christian is to call yourself one
Slit throats, then pray, ask for forgiveness after
Given your wings just for asking 

I heard God can't help me
My heart is hemophilic.
I bleed out scarlet lettered sins
I heard that God spoils his children
Never punishes their bad behavior
Always accepts their apologies because he can't bother to listen
God is too busy to open my prayers
God is always busy  

He wishes I could fix everything myself
They tell me he would leave me entirely
If I wasn't a white Christian girl in America
They say that he is worried about his image
To those who fund his paycheck
Heaven seems so expensive
Why can't God tell me these things himself? 

Tell your God that I mention him in my prayers
Tell him I miss him
That I know it's not his fault
It's just that he hung out with people like you for too long
Tell him I carry the faith of a gospel choir in my chest
Tell him I have not turned my prayers into chalk lines 

Tell your God that he is my God too
That I want him back
Tell him to show you my blueprints
How he created us both
Tell him to remind you that I am beautiful too
Tell him I've read the Bible
I know of love.
It is diverse, thousands of flowers
I've seen it in the shape of an orchid
Blooming inside my chest
Until the day it was ready to come out 

Tell your God he did something right
I grew up to be a lover
Tell your God
I've seen him officiate more weddings than funerals
Tell him that we are all imperfect
And thank him for it
Tell him he's a great father
Even in absence
That his children feel safe in his arms
That the sun rises for him
Her
You
Us
That I can feel his warmth on my back
Tell him I don't believe the rumors.
Tell your God: I forgive him. 

I just watched this video again (8 times). And I am completely heartbroken.

I know those feelings. I have been told that I need a "good influence" in my life because "God doesn't want to listen to sinners." Good friends of mine have been told that God didn't mean to create them. Others have been told that the bad things happening in their lives were a punishment from God for their sins. One of my best friends is told that they way God created her is an abomination.

Who told us these things?

People who call themselves Christians.
People who wear the cross proudly. Like a badge.
People who go to Christian colleges.
People who have read the Bible cover to cover.

People who don't understand the Gospel.
People who reshape Jesus' teachings to fit their prejudices.
People who don't understand God's love and forgiveness.

People who call themselves Christians.

People like me.

In my introduction to theological thinking class (and I think the middler's theology class) spent a lot of time talking about what it means to be a "real Christian." Yeah, I know. I don't know what that means either. But I have a pretty good idea that if we were all acting like "real Christians" - ones that love and follow Jesus and his teachings - people wouldn't look so critically at us.

Instead we judge and push and hate.
We do everything that Christians aren't supposed to do.

I'm really starting to hate Christians. (See? I do it too... ugh.)

So what in the hell are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to be better Christians?

Love. Love love love.

Seriously. It's that easy. And it's that freakin' hard.