"Committed monogamous relationship."

I'm going to go and be "one of those people." You know, the kind of person that spouts a bunch of "problems with the Church" and expects someone else to go solve them.

Okay, so you know me a little bit better than that. I might go spouting, but it is unlikely that I won't at least give you a solution or even try to solve it myself. So here it goes.

I have two problems with the Church. When I say "the Church," I mean either the ELCA as a whole or specifically the churches/congregations I have encountered in my (short) life. Also, these two problems are almost entirely unrelated. So there's that. I'll throw one out today and I'll leave the other one for another day.

The first one applies to the entire ELCA's policy on homosexual pastors, deacons, etc.

I know, you freaked out a little bit right? Chill. In the ELCA, they are trying really hard to be progressive and include as many people as possible into ministry (most likely because the Church is dying, but I'd like to think it is for more noble reasons). One of the policies for the "Visions and Expectations" of clergymen and women is that homosexuals are able to live together and are recognized as a family is they are in a committed monogamous relationship. I paraphrased the first part but "committed monogamous relationship" is a quote. Cool! Yay! Human rights!

Heterosexual couples are not to live with one another unless they are married.

Married.

Wait a second- why did the wording change? Why can't heterosexual couples be in "committed monogamous relationships" and live together? Well, you might think, because heterosexual couples are actually ABLE to be married, so they should  be in order to live with each other. But is this always the case? And in states were homosexual unions are legal, does the rule change? I'll give you a few examples:

My boyfriend and I are much too young (in our eyes) to be married at this point. Also, we have zero amounts of money to hold a wedding. Yet, when we move to South Carolina and I start seminary, we are unable to live in the family apartments. I have to live in a dorm and he will find a house or apartment to live in by himself. We will spend twice as much on housing and I will go into twice as much debt because we are not married. Even if we were engaged, we would not be permitted to live together, even though we have been in a "committed monogamous relationship" for four years.

A man and woman are so much in love and have committed to one another in their own way. They are unable to be married because the woman is a widow and if she remarries, her son with not be able to claim the money from his father's death. They are depending on that money for the son to go to college. The man and woman have been in a "committed monogamous relationship" for eight years. They would not be permitted to live together.

I understand what the ELCA is trying to do and I am proud of them for it. However, while they are inclusive to homosexuals, they must also realize that they are behind the times in other aspects of "untraditional marriage and relationships."

Beside the point that "it's not fair," which I understand is a pretty lame argument on any front, I don't think Jesus would have cared. Honestly. If we can go to sleep and night telling ourselves that love is love and what happens behind the closed doors of homosexuals is none of society's business, then why can't we say the same for heterosexuals? I'm a fan of tradition. But sometimes tradition just isn't how things work out. Sometimes you have to be a little progressive. After all, that's pretty much what Jesus preached the entire time He was on this earth. If we aren't moving forward we are moving back.

I am a twenty-one year old heterosexual female. I am in a committed monogamous relationship, and I should be allowed to live with my partner without being married. Darn it.

"Youth Group"

Call me progressive, but I have an edgy view on youth groups in churches.

Here, let me first define "youth group" for you if you didn't grow up with one of these fancy things in your church.  A youth group is a (you got it!) group of young people that come together, usually on Sunday nights, to talk about God, play games, and sometimes serve in the community.  Some youth groups are divided between senior high school (10-12th grade) and junior high school (7-9th grade).  I'm definitely a fan of dividing it that way, so we are going to assume from now on, I'm talking about the senior high youth kids.  

This age group (let's say it's about 16 through 18 year olds) is what I would call "young adults."  Maybe I'm giving them a bit too much credit. Whatever.

When I was in high school (three years ago), I wanted to be treated with respect. I'm guessing not a whole lot has changed.  Students from 16 to 18 aren't stupid. They're starting to get into things like alcohol, parties, people of the opposite sex. Boys no longer have cooties and girls are suddenly a bit more attractive.  

Dear parents, 

Whether or not your child actually partakes in things such as drugs, alcohol, sex, parties and other "high school" activities, is irrelevant. You can flip to a different page if you think your children are completely innocent and wouldn't even LOOK at a beer. But the point is, they won't always be under your roof and they will ALWAYS have temptations by peers, no matter how holy they are. Your children are not living in a bubble.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I'm being realistic. Young people start to get into some pretty scary stuff in high school. Even if they don't "get into it," you better believe they have seen it happening around them. 

So what does this have to do with youth group?

I believe that the church has place in the middle of all of this sinful living. We have to, right? If we didn't, we couldn't really be pursuing the Kingdom of God.

This is where I think youth groups should step in and be a compliment to the parents. We aren't here to raise your kids, don't get me wrong. But I think youth group should be a place that is open for questions (hard questions) about faith, growing up, and God.

I think it is important to equip young people with theological knowledge as well as let them form their own faith understandings throughout high school.  That way, once they are thrust out into the "real world" (read: college), they will know what's going on. Instead of ignoring real issues that they are facing now or will definitely be facing in the next few years (drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, homosexuality, poverty), youth groups have the opportunity to confront them early and help young people understand what the Church believes and help them develop their own beliefs.

Maybe I'm an exception, but when I was in high school I had a lot of questions that a) my friends didn't know the answers to, b) I would be too embarrassed to ask my friends anyway, c) I didn't feel comfortable asking my parents, or d) I didn't feel my youth group would be an appropriate place to ask them even though they were about faith! 

Things like:
"Why is having sex before marriage such a HUGE deal?"
"Why does the Church have this big problem with homosexuals?"
"What actually counts as 'having sex' according to the Bible...?"
"If you're raped and get pregnant, do you HAVE to keep the baby? What would God say about abortion in that case? Is it any different?"

Maybe other youth groups are different, but if I ever lead a youth group, we would be battling these things, questions and ideas weekly to equip our young people for the sinful world they are rapidly approaching and already living in.

Was your youth group different?
How would you have changed the youth group you grew up with?
Is my theory completely off?

I'd love to hear feedback on this one :) 

Sex God by Rob Bell

I'm not usually one for scintillating titles and the "oh my gosh" factor. I can usually give or take the latest fad (unless it's Taylor Swift's new album).

But when my church started talking seriously about the book Sex God by Rob Bell, I found myself getting pretty interested.  I thought it would be about what "typical Christians" have to say about sex. I was a little put off at the idea of that, but if the off-balance or somewhat nontraditional people of Jacob's Porch wanted to read it, then it was probably worth checking out.

There are two things you should know about Sex God:
1. It is not what you think it is
2. Everyone should read it. Everyone.

Those might seem like pretty bold statements. Maybe they are.

But Rob Bell does something fantastic with this piece of work. He takes sex, as an action and as a gender, and brings it out of the "taboo conversation" category. He puts it side by side with spirituality. Who does that?

With witty chapter titles and anecdotes about himself and others, there's virtually no way you could get bored with this book. I have friends who would rather pull their eyelashes out than read and they read this book in a single night.

Why do I like it so much? It's real. This isn't a sex manual or a long-winded explanation about why having premarital sex is evil. Bell understands that, frankly, we (modern society) don't want to hear that. Just because I am a Christian, doesn't mean I don't have the same pressures and urges as anyone else. I don't want to be told that I "just have to deal with it." I want to understand what God thinks of sexuality and I want reasons to keep my body (and other people's bodies) sacred for God.

Christianity Today has this to say about his book:

"While most books about sex for dating Christians begin and end with 'don't,' Bell outlines the bigger picture of human relationships and what they can teach us about God's character."

Give teenagers a health teacher that says, "Don't have sex or you'll get pregnant and die," and they will be completely turned off by anyone who wants to talk to them about sex.

Give teenagers a book that says, "God created you in His image and is, therefore, a part of you" and they will think twice about having sex with the first person they get alone with.

Bell doesn't throw theology down your throat and expect you to swallow. He simply puts it in front of you and says, "take what you want." And that's what gets through to people.