Biblical Women I'd Rather Be than the Proverbs 31 Woman

You have probably all heard of the Proverbs 31 woman. I have seen so many young men claim that they wish they could find a Proverbs 31 woman to marry. Or others who claim to have found a Proverbs 31 woman and just can't wait to make her their wife! Woohoo!

She is a capable wife.
She imports her food from far away.
She makes all her own clothes.
She gets up really early and cooks for her husband.
She works out.
Her husband is super popular.
She has her own business.
Her husband praises her.
She is submissive.
She lives for the will of her husband.
Oh yeah, and God too.

I don't have a huge problem with all of these things. Fearing God is cool. Owning your own business is pretty swell. But it doesn't say things like "sometimes she does things for herself because she's worth that."  It doesn't say that her husband helps her cook and clean because he recognizes the fact that being a mother and wife is actually pretty difficult work.  It doesn't say that she is independent and courageous.

She lives for her husband and for God.  And probably her children (although they are barely mentioned).

I guess there are worse things to live for.

But I would rather be one of these women of the Bible.

Sarah... obviously Sarah has to be one of my favorite women of the Bible.  I wish I had her faith, her humor, her love for Abraham.  She hears what God promises and she wants to do everything she can to make that come true so  that the nations might be blessed through the offspring of her husband. Even if it means she has to suck it up and give Abraham her servant Hagar.  So maybe her efforts were a little misguided.  She didn't give up and she loved God.

Achsah of Joshua, Judges, and 1 Chronicles... When her father promised her to a man in marriage, she told her father to up the dowry. Basically "I'm worth more than just a few acres of land." What a badass.

Deborah... the only female Judge of Israel in the Old Testament. Need I say more? People used to beg her to be a part of their battles because they were too afraid to fight on their own. She was pretty freaking cool.

Hogla of Numbers and Joshua... she was one of the five daughters of Zelophehad who fought and won the right to inhereit their deceased father's property.  Back then, women were basically considered property, so the fact that she could own her father's property (it would typically go to her brothers or uncles or some distant relative) is really awesome.

Jael of Judges... she is my favorite.  Jael tricked Sisera into coming to sleep in her tent and then she drove a tent spike through his head.  This delivered the Israelites from the troops of king Jabin.  I imagine her looking around at all the chaos and death going and and thinking, "well if all these men can't handle it, then I'm going to do this myself!"  She is pretty much the coolest.

Junia... one of the outstanding woman apostles.  She was a colleague of Paul and he apparently thought very highly of her.  Reason #975 why I don't think Paul wrote mean things about women in his letters.  Anyone who is able to hang with Paul and tolerate his incessant preaching and obsession with Jesus is worth a place on this list.

Ruth... she stayed with her mother Naomi because she knew that Naomi would need comfort and guidance after the death of all of her sons and husband.  Ruth is one of the most selfless, beautiful women in the Bible.  She is also the only one who has a whole book about her.  Not only that, but Naomi is kind of an awesome trickster and tricked a man into marrying Ruth and giving her a life. I love cunning women.  Sometimes I like to pretend I'm that clever.

Mary... I basically love all of the Marys in the Bible, but I especially like Mary, the sister of Martha. She sat at the feet of Jesus and listened to him teach while other people were probably looking at her like she was a freak.  You see, she wasn't doing the social norm of that time... she should have been up hosting with her sister Martha.  Martha even calls her on it!  But Mary is just perfectly content being with her Savior, no matter what is going on around her.

Rebekah... a lot of people don't really like Rebekah because she had a favorite son. But she is so smart! She dresses her favorite son up and makes sure he gets the blessing from their dying father.  So maybe she's not super honest, but she is killer smart.  

I like women who take things into their own hands. Women who stand up for what they believe in. Women who know what they want and are out to get it.  The Proverbs 31 woman sounds nice for a while, but her obedience to her husband and mundane days of making garments and planting vineyards sounds like a drag.

So here's hoping my future husband likes more of a Jael-type of girl!

18 Ugly Truths about Modern Dating

I am a sad, desperate browser  of Thought Catalog. I'm not ashamed. (I'm a little ashamed.) And I particularly love the relationship lists the writers seem to be obsessed with. What can I say? I'm a young woman of the 21st century. Give me all of the opinions on relationships you're willing to share! I eat that crap up.

Recently, there was a post (list) titled, "18 Ugly Truths about Modern Dating That You Have to Deal With."  Ignoring the fact that that title is far too long for an 800 word blog post, I'm having some issues with what is presented.

Go read the blog then come back here. Or open up a new window. I think I'd break some plagiarism rules if I copy and pasted it here. I'll be commentating because relationships are important and I hate it when people think they have to be all drama and movies to be real. Or that "modern day relationships" must be something "different" than what they used to be.

Preface: Let me define "relationship." I think the Thought Catalog author and I would disagree on this point. To me, a relationship means more than "hanging out" or "talking" as the middle schoolers like to put it. You're not in a relationship unless there's a clear understanding and acceptance of it from BOTH parties. And there's some sort of commitment like not dating other people at the same time. When did "dating" become a vague taboo word?

With that said, if you're cool with "hooking up" and being "friends with benefits" then by all means, do that. But don't pretend it's a real relationship with commitment from both sides. So if you're not into "real relationships" then this post isn't really addressed to you. The one on Thought Catalog probably is.

1. Relationships - real relationships - are not about power. They are about love, which is WAY better than "power"... whatever "power" in a relationship means... You should be outdoing each other in love, not trying to pretend you care less. What kind of relationship is that anyway?

2. And if your partner thinks they are more powerful because they care less about the relationship than you and starts playing power cards on you, then get out. I was in a relationship that played a lot of power games and it ended badly.

3. There is still this thing called "honesty" in relationships. If you can't be honest and say, "hey, I like you," and have the other person respect you for it, then boo on them. 

4. Making phone calls might be dying. It's not the "normal" thing to do anymore. Whatever. You know what else isn't "cool" or "normal?" Asking the person if you can kiss them or call them. Letters. Notes left by your bedside. Flowers for no reason. There's still people out there that will do those things for you. I promise. And you deserve it. 

5. Set plans are dead? What? What happened to calendars and schedules? And commitment. If someone isn't willing to commit to you in a relationship and you want commitment, stop kidding yourself - it's not a real relationship you want to be in. 

6. They used the word karma. Enough said. 

7. Romantic is in the eye of the beholder/receiver, yes. I can mostly agree with this. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try. I've been creepy before. I'm still friends with most of the people I creeped out. 

8. Are we talking about real relationships here? "Wanna hang out?" typically means "I have a lot of homework and want to put it off for several hours, can we snuggle and watch Netflix until I fall asleep?" And no, that doesn't mean "hooking up." 

9. Not everyone is a terrible person. However, there are definitely people who just want to hook up. That's why commitment is vital, especially when sex is involved. Sex shouldn't be something you throw around casually to your friends if you are looking for a committed relationship. 

10. This is probably true. If your person is lying about little things like that, then they are probably lying about other things. Also, that text that "wasn't supposed to go to you" and "was a joke" with someone else is probably as suspicious as you think it is. I learned this the hard way. Call the person out. 

11. If someone is afraid of commitment and you are totally into commitment, there's some unevenness in the relationship. It's probably not that he/she is afraid of commitment, but afraid of commitment with you. I learned this one the hard way too. 

12. Social media doesn't increase the chances of people cheating. Social media makes it easier. The chance that someone cheats is directly related to how much they love you. A person who loves you would never hurt you like that. 

13. "Attractive people menu?" What? I can't even... 

14. I'm into being friends with someone first. I know, I know - then you're in the friend zone or they start dating someone else. I get that. But sometimes it works out and you have already seen their crazy, manic, geeky, late-night, hangry, and adorkable side by the time you date them. And that's especially awesome because then you get to see their romantic, loving, best friend side AND you get to kiss them. Win-win. 

15. Sometimes you get to stay friends with them. That's a pretty cool option. 

16. I love subtweeting as much as the next person, but unless you (and your person) are able to directly let you know how many feels they have for you, it's probably not going to work out. Social media nuances do not a relationship make. 

17. Your real friends won't hurt you. Also, there shouldn't be any fear of people trying to "steal" your person. If he/she is committed to you, there will barely be a half second to look at anyone else. Sure, girls might moon over how he plays guitar or his beautiful blue eyes, but don't worry - he's not going anywhere. 

18. If someone dumps you via text/IM/Facebook/anything but face-to-face - you don't want to be with them anyway. Good riddance.