Worship as Self-Care and Community-Care - Redeemer Episcopal Church

Mark 6:30-34, 53-56

Feeding the Five Thousand

The apostles gathered around Jesus, and told him all that they had done and taught. He said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a deserted place by themselves. Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they hurried there on foot from all the towns and arrived ahead of them. As he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things.

When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret and moored the boat. When they got out of the boat, people at once recognized him, and rushed about that whole region and began to bring the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was. And wherever he went, into villages or cities or farms, they laid the sick in the marketplaces, and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of his cloak; and all who touched it were healed.

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This sermon was originally preached by me, to a certain people in a certain time and place, but we believe in the power of the Spirit, so it might touch you as well. 

It is GOOD to be back with you all. The last eight weeks or so have been wonderful for our family as it expanded and I am so grateful for the time that we were able to spend together in our little bubble as we got to know our daughter. 

AND it was HARD. Of course, we have a newborn again and that comes with all sorts of challenges and exhaustion, but one of the hardest parts for me was that I do not rest well. I am not someone who sits for very long. Even when recovering from childbirth. I’m a busybody— the kind of person who used to make to do lists during church. 

We all know that God has a good sense of humor, which I think is why we heard this text this morning. Of course my first sermon back from parental leave would be about rest— or perhaps about looking for rest. 

Last week we heard about God, who perched on the Ark of Covenant. The people believed that God would come and go as God pleased and that they could provide a resting place for God in their community with a tabernacle and ark. But, as Father Wiley said, we know that God has come to us in the person of Jesus— the God that we worship is incarnate, in flesh and blood— a real living person with whom we can have a relationship. With whom we DO have a relationship. 

In the reading this morning, the apostles were returning from their mission that Jesus had sent them on to go into the towns and cities to heal and to proclaim the coming of the Kingdom of God. When they came back from the towns, the crowds were constantly trying to find them— apparently news had spread quite effectively about Jesus and his band of followers… It was getting so crowded and the people were so desperate to see Jesus that the apostles barely had any time to even eat by themselves. 

“Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” Jesus tells them. But even this didn’t work because people recognized them and got to their resting place first and continued to press in on Jesus and the apostles. Now, if I were one of the apostles, I would be pretty upset by this— they had just traveled all over the country and now they were ready to rest a little bit. They just wanted to eat dinner in peace! That couldn’t be too much to ask. I’d be wanting Jesus to put his foot down and send the crowds away so I could rest a while. 

What we are seeing in this story is not only that the apostles are feeling overworked and overwhelmed by the persistent crowds, but the other side of it is that we see hundreds and even thousands of people who are so desperate for the teachings of Jesus that they follow Jesus and the apostles around all over the country, not even stopping for food for themselves. 

As our world moves back into its rhythm of overwork and go go go, I think we are going to start to feel a similar kind of weariness and maybe even desperation— we might feel a bit like the apostles AND a bit like the crowds all at once. And when that happens, people are going to tell us about what we tend to call “self care” or “rest” as a resistance to this overwork. We’ll hear about how we need to take time for ourselves and care for ourselves. I heard a lot of this during the last eight weeks— I needed to take some time to take care of myself. What they mean most of the time is that I should take a bubble bath or get a massage.

And there is certainly nothing wrong with self-care in the form of things like massages and bubble baths or beach vacations. But the weariness I felt over the last few weeks wasn’t going to be cured by taking a walk or reading a novel. I think the weariness of the past year and a half is going to show us that we need something more than superficial self-care. We are going to find ourselves both just like the apostles— needing “Come away to a deserted place all by ourselves and rest a while”— and also like the crowds— so desperate for Jesus and his teaching and healing that we press in from all sides. 

I loved what Father Wiley said about worship last week— what if our perspective changes and we GOT to go to worship instead of feeling like we HAVE to go to worship? How would that change our experience of God? Worship as a privilege instead of obligation. As someone who grew up very much feeling like worship was just an obligation, I can understand if you’re not quite there yet, if you’re not quite to the point where worship feels like a celebration or a place where we can dance. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I began to feel that myself. But then, I realized, worship is part of my deep-needed spiritual self-care. 

Worship is a privilege and a celebration, but it’s also more than that— it’s the root from which we gain our nourishment, it is absolutely necessary for our life with God. And I’m a campus pastor— I would never ever say that we can only worship God in THIS building. Or even that this building is better fit for worship than anywhere else in the world. BUT… if your life is anything like mine, it does not give many opportunities to sit and rest with God, to be quiet and listen to God’s Word speaking into my life. When people ask me about my spiritual life during the week, I might mention something about reading the Bible when I’m preparing my sermons, but it really is sometimes ONLY Sunday mornings when I take enough time and sit quietly enough to listen to God. 

That is the power of worship in this space. It is within these walls that everything else falls away. It is in this place, and during THIS particular time that we set aside other obligations and, if we allow ourselves, it is here that we come away to rest a while. It’s not that God won’t meet us in other places of our lives, and indeed, God is always present. But here in this place? This is where WE can show up to be attentive to God, this is where we can truly rest and be healed because there is power in these rituals, in the routine of standing and sitting, praying and singing, our worship is embodied just like our God.

My hope for you is that you might feel the desperation of the crowds. That you might ache for his teaching, so much so that you’re willing to sit at his feet hungry, believing that he will provide you will more than enough. I hope that we might know what it means to need Jesus and the healing he provides that we press in close, just to touch the fringe of his cloak. And I hope that you might know that you are invited here— to this place, in this time, to this table, and this community— to be nourished and healed and be taught by our incarnate and ever-compassionate God. Amen. 

Season of Growth - Redeemer Episcopal Church

Matthew 9:35 - 10:23

³⁵Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and curing every disease and every sickness. ³⁶When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; ³⁸therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Then Jesus summoned his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to cure every disease and every sickness. ²These are the names of the twelve apostles: first, Simon, also known as Peter, and his brother Andrew; James son of Zebedee, and his brother John; ³Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus;⁴ Simon the Cananaean, and Judas Iscariot, the one who betrayed him.

⁵These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: “Go nowhere among the Gentiles, and enter no town of the Samaritans, ⁶but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. ⁷As you go, proclaim the good news, ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ ⁸Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. You received without payment; give without payment. ⁹Take no gold, or silver, or copper in your belts, ¹⁰no bag for your journey, or two tunics, or sandals, or a staff; for laborers deserve their food. ¹¹Whatever town or village you enter, find out who in it is worthy, and stay there until you leave. ¹²As you enter the house, greet it. ¹³If the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. ¹⁴If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town. ¹⁵Truly I tell you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town.

¹⁶“See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. ¹⁷Beware of them, for they will hand you over to councils and flog you in their synagogues; ¹⁸and you will be dragged before governors and kings because of me, as a testimony to them and the Gentiles. ¹⁹When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say; for what you are to say will be given to you at that time; ²⁰for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. ²¹Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death; ²²and you will be hated by all because of my name. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.²³When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next; for truly I tell you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.

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This sermon was preached for God's people at Redeemer Episcopal Church in Jacksonville, Florida on June 14, 2020. As God can speak to us in many times and places, I hope that this word might speak to others in many times and places. You can read the sermon below, watch the entire worship service at this link, or listen to the recording of the sermon at this link. 

Let us pray. 

God of sowing and reaping, healing and reconciliation, reveal to us your desire for us. Make your presence known to us so that we might be empowered by the Holy Spirit to proclaim the good news, cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons.

Welcome to the season after Pentecost! I find the seasons of the church year to be pretty incredible. I know that I have talked about the church calendar before. And I know that the liturgical calendar is no accident, and that it took many people over a long period of time to come up with the readings and patterns for what we now called the Revised Common Lectionary. But, with very few exceptions, they seem to have gotten it right. Advent and Lent are two of my favorite seasons because of the way the readings are structured and we are able to anticipate what is coming next in God’s story of Christ Jesus. 

But the season after Pentecost— what some people would call "ordinary time” or the “down time” of the church— is really something special too. I certainly wouldn’t call it “ordinary time.” If we really focus in on the stories God is telling during this time, we will be able to see this as a time of extraordinary grace from our extraordinary God. 

This is the first Sunday that really kicks of the season after Pentecost. There is a theme in "time after Pentecost” readings. We’ll hear a lot of parables— in fact, out of the 22 Gospel readings on the Sundays in the time after Pentecost, ten of them will be parables that Jesus tells his disciples. And every other reading is about what Jesus did in his life of ministry— feeding people, walking on water, exorcising demons, healing people— and about Jesus’ teaching like the Beatitudes and the greatest commandment. 

So it absolutely makes sense that we would kick off this season with these readings. Two weeks ago, we had the birthday of the church, when the Holy Spirit descended upon hundred of people and they were able to speak to one another and prophesy about God’s glory. Now we have a whole season telling stories of how God has equipped and continues to equip the church for God’s mission in the world. 

Two Sundays ago, God said, “I give you the gift of the Holy Spirit” and now, today, God says, “Here’s what it looks like to use that gift.” 

What it looks like is what the Gospel tells us that Jesus did — he went out to all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and curing every disease and every sickness. 

It looks like Jesus who had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

It is no coincidence that these words are echoed in the next few verses when Jesus calls his disciples to go out into the world. 

There are other places in the Bible where Jesus’ command or teaching leaves us scratching our heads and wondering what we are supposed to do, like the many parables we will hear this season. But this is not one of those places. 

This mission is not one that they must work out on their own. Jesus gives specific instructions on where to go and who to visit, on what to say and what to do.

He gave the disciples authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to cure every disease and every sickness. And he gives them these instructions: As you go, proclaim the good news, ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ ⁸Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons.

We were given the gift of the Holy Spirit at our baptism. Using the gift of the Holy Spirit looks like liberation and healing, not just by Christ but by his disciples as well. 

The disciples are called to imitate the teacher. A disciple is, by definition, just like an apprentice, called to follow behind the teacher and imitating what they do until the disciple is able to do the same thing. 

That’s what it means to be a follower of Christ in this day and age too. We are called to the same things to which the disciples where first called. To follow Christ is not just to observe him and his actions, not just walk next to him throughout our lives. To follow Christ is the first action in becoming his disciple, the next step is to imitate him. God’s grace is given to us so freely not so we can stay the same and do nothing, but so that we can live into that grace and proclaim that grace through our actions as imitations of Christ. 

The season after Pentecost’s liturgical color is green. It symbolizes the growth that we are called to experience during this time. Growth that both calls us closer to God and calls us to being more like Christ. And my beloved siblings, this growth is difficult. This growth is sometimes painful. But it is growth that is so desperately needed in this world. We need more people who imitate Christ in this world.

Growing into an imitation of Christ is going to take a lot of work, and we are going to make mistakes along the way. But God has given us the gift of God’s very presence in the Holy Spirit to assist us, to cure every disease and every sickness. God has given us the Spirit so that As we go, we might proclaim the good news, ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ ⁸Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons.

God is calling us to this difficult work of reconciliation, healing, and liberation. Because this world needs it. The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few, Jesus says. 

So over these next few weeks and months, remember that we are in the time after Pentecost, the green season, the season of growth. And as we become more acutely aware of the growing pains of our world, our government, and our society, God is inviting us to recognize the growth places and the growing pains in our own lives, in our own journeys as we work toward imitating Christ and God’s work in the world through the Holy Spirit. 

Amen. 

Devote Ourselves to Prayer - Redeemer Episcopal Church

John 17:1-11 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

Jesus Prays for His Disciples

17 After Jesus had spoken these words, he looked up to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son so that the Son may glorify you,’ 2 since you have given him authority over all people, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. 3 And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. 4 I glorified you on earth by finishing the work that you gave me to do. 5 So now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had in your presence before the world existed.

6 “I have made your name known to those whom you gave me from the world. They were yours, and you gave them to me, and they have kept your word. 7 Now they know that everything you have given me is from you; 8 for the words that you gave to me I have given to them, and they have received them and know in truth that I came from you; and they have believed that you sent me. 9 I am asking on their behalf; I am not asking on behalf of the world, but on behalf of those whom you gave me, because they are yours. 10 All mine are yours, and yours are mine; and I have been glorified in them. 11 And now I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one.

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This sermon was preached and recorded for a certain context in a certain time (Redeemer Episcopal Church for the 7th Sunday in Easter), but we believe that God can and will speak outside of our own limitations. I hope that it can speak to you in whatever space you are in today. You can read the sermon below, listen to it at this link, and see the sermon preached at this link. 

Let us pray. God of in-between times, be with us now in our waiting. Comfort us in our prayer and call us to further devotion in this time, trusting in your promise of hope and peace. Amen. 

When I read all of the scripture for this morning— the first reading, the psalm, the epistle, and the gospel— I hear a common thread about difficult times, changing, and challenging times. 

In the Gospel text we just heard, Jesus prays for his disciples, his friends, for the last time before he is betrayed and handed over to the authorities. This are about to get really messy for everyone involved. They are about to lose their teacher to death on a cross. 

In Acts, we see another turbulent time for the disciples. They have once again found themselves without their teacher. 

Ascension Day was this past Thursday, when Jesus was taken up into heaven to be with God the Father for eternity. 

Up until that time, Jesus was with his disciples again after being resurrected from the dead. What an incredible time that must have been for them, to have the fullness of joy after seeing their friend and teacher be killed. 

But now he is going to leave them again. After only being with them a short time.

This week in our lectionary season, Jesus has ascended to heaven and Pentecost has not yet come.

We heard last week that Jesus told his disciples that once he was gone, he would send the Paraclete— the advocate, friend, comforter, the Holy Spirit— to be with the disciples. But that happens next week. 

It’s in this in-between time where we find ourselves this morning.

This week… we wait. So there are ten days in our liturgical calendar where we wait again, like Holy Saturday, to see what God will do next. 

It strikes me that what the disciples do during this time is they constantly devote themselves to prayer. All together, Acts tells us, the disciples gathered in a room apart from everyone else and devoted themselves to prayer. 

It is not some new age way of worshiping that Father Wiley has called us to when he encourages us to create a worship space in our own homes for prayer and devotion. It is not bizarre that Heather, our formation director, and Hannah, our youth director, have encouraged us to pray with our families during this time, providing opportunities for faith formation in the midst of our work and family life. 

They are following the examples of the disciples. They are following the example of the first Christian church, the one that waited desperately for a time when they could safely go back into the world and proclaim the wonder and good news of Christ Jesus. It sounds familiar…

I imagine it was a long few days for them— as they waited to see what God would do next, clinging to the promises that Jesus had, indeed, fulfilled in the resurrection. And now clinging again to his promise that he would send someone else, a comforter, an advocate, a friend, to continue to guide us and give us wisdom. 

And in this long, difficult time, what do they do? They stay with one another and they devote themselves to prayer. They’re not praying because they believe it can solve some kind of problem. They probably aren’t even praying that Jesus come back or things go back to normal. They devote themselves to prayer because they know that when God feels far away, we pray. When God feels far away, we talk to God and feel closer. We talk to God and we ARE closer. We listen for God and feel comforted. Prayer is not some holy problem solver. It is a practice of putting ourselves deliberately and intentionally in the presence of God. In a time right after the disciples literally watched Jesus be raised to heaven, when he left them once again, what else are they supposed to do? 

We, too, are in a similar liminal space. I remember in the beginning of this season, thinking that this would only be a short time away from everyone. A few weeks, perhaps— maybe it would even be a sort of welcomed vacation for me. I hunkered down and began making preparations for when we would come back together. I began busying myself with all sorts of things. 

I don’t like feeling out of control, so I began finding problems I could solve on my own. Things I could do or fix. I told myself I would complete all of our house projects in these few weeks. I began staying up too late, distracting myself with mask-making and reading news articles. I was constantly looking for ways to spend my time so these couple of weeks would go by faster. I was constantly finding problems that I could solve in an effort to keep my mind away from the helplessness I was feeling. 

And then the weeks drew on and I began to realize that this would be a marathon instead of a sprint. And I began to notice myself drifting away from scripture, drifting away from my usual habits of prayer and devotion, drifting away from the assurances of God and God’s promises for us. I was busying myself in an effort to distance myself from God, thinking I could solve this pandemic on my own.  

So it feels appropriate that we are in this time in our church year and hear these stories of the disciples while we wait anxiously for government officials to give us more information, while we wonder what comes next for our careers, the economy, our health, and our church. I have found myself unsettled and wondering what, exactly, am I supposed to do while I wait? 

Well, what else are we supposed to do but follow the example of the first church and devote ourselves to prayer? To keep alert and to notice what God is doing next, clinging to the promise of the resurrection and the coming of the Holy Spirit. So that soon, we might emerge once again into the world, renewed in the Spirit once again, to proclaim the good news of Christ Jesus with new joy and hope on our lips. Amen. 

Prepare to Repent - Redeemer Episcopal Church

Matthew 3:1-12 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

The Proclamation of John the Baptist

3 In those days John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness of Judea, proclaiming, 2 “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” 3 This is the one of whom the prophet Isaiah spoke when he said,

“The voice of one crying out in the wilderness:

‘Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.’”
x

4 Now John wore clothing of camel’s hair with a leather belt around his waist, and his food was locusts and wild honey. 5 Then the people of Jerusalem and all Judea were going out to him, and all the region along the Jordan, 6 and they were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins.

7 But when he saw many Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? 8 Bear fruit worthy of repentance. 9 Do not presume to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our ancestor’; for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children to Abraham. 10 Even now the ax is lying at the root of the trees; every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

11 “I baptize you with water for repentance, but one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. 12 His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and will gather his wheat into the granary; but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.”

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This sermon was originally preached by me, Rev. Sarah Locke, at Redeemer Episcopal Church in Jacksonville, Florida on December 8, 2019. You can read the manuscript below, and/or you can listen to the sermon (with infusions from the Spirit) at this link. 

Are you ready? It’s December 8th already. We only have 17 days until Christmas. Panicking yet? 

Even if the weather does not quite show it, it appears that Christmas time is here. Christmas music is playing on the radio, all the displays are out, I saw last Sunday night that Santa is at the mall waiting for his picture to be taken. 

For our college students at UNF and JU, it means finals week is upon us, some of them are graduating, other are gearing up for the seasonal holiday hours at their job. 

For others it means finishing up projects at work or bracing yourself for your children to be out for Christmas break. 

There always seems to be an abundance of things to do to prepare for Christmas: Making lists, checking them twice, if you’re my mother, you’re running around making sure everyone has the exact same number of gifts under the Christmas tree. Lots of other people are still decorating, baking, cooking, and traveling. 

Preparing for Christmas seems a bit more like a sprint than a marathon and, as a pastor, by the end of it, I’m winded and ready to never do it again… until next year. 

But preparing for Christmas seems to look very different than preparing for the coming of Jesus. 

In the text this morning, we hear the words of John the Baptizer, the man who was called and sent to prepare people for the coming of Jesus. Like a prologue of a book, or a prelude in our worship service, John tells the people what is about to happen. He preps them for something that is better and more important than himself. But it doesn’t sound much like shopping and baking and decorating. 

“Repent,” John says, “for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”

He continues, “I baptize you with water for repentance, but one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.”

So what does it mean to John to prepare for Christmas? Well, it means preparing for the coming of Jesus, and he says we won’t be ready for that until we repent and recognize that a Jesus’ birth marks a new age— something wild and new and wonderful that we could never even dream of. 

Repentance is not necessarily the word we would immediately associate with Advent and Christmas preparation. For one thing, here in this Episcopal church, as well as many others across the country, we use the hopeful and anticipatory color blue for Advent instead of the repentant and penitential purple that other congregations might use, the same color we use for Lent in the spring. 

But it seems that repentance is of utmost importance to John, and throughout the gospel according to Matthew, we will see this liturgical year, that it is also very important to Jesus. 

It is important that we prepare our hearts and our minds and our attitudes for Jesus. We are reminded to do this figuratively throughout Advent, but what we will celebrate on Christmas Day is not only the miracle of Jesus coming to be with us in the form of a tiny baby, marking the beginning of the coming of the Kingdom of God, but also looking forward to the day when he will return to us, at the end of time, when Isaiah’s prophecy will be completely fulfilled in God’s promise. 

Repentance, at its core, means to change direction, to pick a different course, to turn around. And that is what John is asking the listeners— and us— to do. John’s sole calling is to alert people to the fact that what they are doing is out of step with God’s purpose and desire for their lives and for all of creation. “You brood of vipers,” John accuses, something new is happening and you’d better be ready for it. And that newness is what Isaiah describes: a time when there will be no predator and prey, no fear or hatred, no anger or rebellion. There will be peace, reconciliation, equity, and grace. Paths that are straight and lives that are full. 

Repentance, John says, turning toward this peace, reconciliation, equity, and grace, is the first step in joining Jesus in this new world and in this new kingdom. 

That is my favorite thing about John the Baptizer. He minimizes himself in order to glorify the one who will come after him. All that he does and all that he is points to the one who will save us with baptism in the spirit, with his birth, life, death, and resurrection. John points to the one who embodies what it looks like for us to repent. 

So how do we prepare for the coming of Jesus? How do we prepare for Christmas? Repent. Be transformed by this age-old story and change direction. Turn from idolatry, violence, injustice, exploitation, slavery, and scarcity— and turn toward devotion, peace, justice, equity, freedom, and abundance— turn toward God and the one whom we await on Christmas morning and on the last day, Christ our Lord. Amen. 

A Terrifyingly Beautiful Call

(Sermon at Luther House Chapel on April 10, 2016 - John 21:1-19)

Last year when I was working in a church, I was approached by a parishioner after preaching. He said, "Sarah, you should really stop starting your sermons with 'I love this story of Jesus.' Surely you don't love every story of Jesus. And anyway, you use the same beginning for every sermon."

At the time, I smiled sweetly and said, "Oh but I do love every story of Jesus. There is not a single story of Jesus and his disciples that does not bring me great joy. I love them. And I love telling them! But you're right - I should probably stop repeating myself."

And I do. I love every story of Jesus - but I understand his point. Sometimes saying I love every story of Jesus doesn't quite do every story justice. Take this story, for instance - I do love this story of Jesus and his disciples. The imagery is rich, Jesus nourished his friends - it is a beautiful scene. But I don't just love this story - this passage actually terrifies me.

Like the disciples, we really have no idea what we are getting ourselves into when we encounter God incarnate in Christ Jesus. We encounter God - or rather God comes crashing into our life - and suddenly things are turned upside down and inside out. It's terrifying.

My husband calls these "mountain-top experiences." And I would guess that many of you have had these experiences throughout your life. It could be while you are on a mission trip, it could be the moment you hold your newborn baby in your arms for the first time, it might be in the midst of great pain and sorrow... You can have these experiences throughout your entire life - in fact, for some of us, it is what brought us to church in the first place.

One of my mountain-top experiences happened in the Central American country of Honduras, literally on the side of a mountain in a small village.

It is the kind of experience that makes God feel so close. Suddenly and beautifully you know that you're walking on holy ground and the existence of God and the love of Christ are undeniable. And somehow, in some way, you know your whole life has changed. You know your identity has shifted and your goals and your mission in life are new and more important.

All of that happened to me on that side of the mountain in Honduras - everything change and all of a sudden I knew I wanted to do international mission work. I knew I wanted to travel the world and meet new people and fall in love with all of God's creation. I was so ready for the next adventure, I wanted to change my plans and change my life to go where God was leading me.

But ten days later, I was back in the United States and I decided not to quit seminary, I decided not to immediately become a missionary. I began classes again and I started work once more. And as I entered the usual drudgery of providing for myself and thinking of my own needs, I slowly forgot about all those powerful moments on the side of that mountain. The fire that had been blazing in Honduras started to diminish until it was just embers.

That's exactly where we meet the disciples in the passage this morning. They had been following Jesus for nearly three years - surely having mountain-top moments on a daily basis as Jesus healed people around him and taught them about scripture. Their lives had been changed, their hearts had been renewed and shifted in these moments. There was a fire lit in their hearts that was roaring for the mission that Christ had given them.

But then Jesus died, and the fire faded - they became scared and worried that maybe they couldn't live out this mission for Jesus. And then they witnessed him resurrected - another beautifully terrifying mountain-top experience.  But then he was gone again, and they were left with this mission that seemed too hard and too crazy.

And isn't that exactly where we are today? Two weeks ago, we came to church early (early early) and greeted one another with joy and thanksgiving that our redeemer lives! And we shouted "hallelujah!" And we sang songs and hymns with more energy than we should be able to muster at 6:30am.

And now, only a few weeks later we can barely drag ourselves out of bed to make it to church. We have forgotten that it is still Easter and we should still be shouting "hallelujah!" We have forgotten that Christ lives.

So the disciples are coming down off of all these mountain-top experiences and they know deep within their bones that everything has changed. They themselves have been changed but they are lost and they don't know where to go from here.

So they decided to go back to what they knew before Jesus had entered their lives and completely changed them. But if I know anything, it is that once Jesus enters your life, there is no going back to the way things used to be. You can try, but it will not be the same. So they went fishing. The disciples went back to the everyday drudgery of life. They did what they needed to do to provide for themselves and their families.

But I imagine that the reason they didn't catch any fish might be because they could feel that uneasiness, the restlessness, knowing everything had changed and that fishing was not what they were supposed to be doing. I imagine they felt something similar to what I felt when I came back from Honduras - I was restless and unsatisfied with life. Nothing seemed to be quite right because I tried so hard to go back to my old ways of living - before Jesus had come so close to me on that mountain.

And Jesus, as loving and persistent as he is, and wanting to make sure his disciples completely "get it" before he leaves them, he comes back and reminds them again. He reminds them who he is and what his mission is. He reminds them of whose they are and what their mission is.

And this is the terrifyingly beautiful part - Jesus doesn't just leave the disciples with a new job or a check list of things they need to get done as his disciples. He says, "feed my lambs, provide for my lambs, feed my sheep." He commands them to become shepherds. And if you know anything about being a shepherd, you know that "shepherd" is not a job title, it is an identity.

You can't take your "shepherd hat" on and off as you please. You cannot go out to the fields and throw food out to the sheep and lambs twice a day and call yourself a shepherd. Being a shepherd is 100% effort, 100% of the time. It is our new identity, it is our new mission and our new life. That is what it means to be a disciples of Christ.

Following Jesus is not easy and it is certainly not a list of things that we can check off our to do list every day. And that's why this passage is so terrifying to me. That is why mountain-top experiences are so terrifying and beautiful - because when God comes so close that we can no longer deny God,  we are in for real change. Our lives are no longer about taking care of ourselves. All of a sudden we are given all of these sheep in the form of our brothers and sisters in this world - our loved ones, our friends, our enemies, people in foreign lands we have never met - for whom we are called to lay down our lives. Just as Jesus laid down his life for all.

So this morning and throughout this season I pray that we take these mountain-top experiences, these moments when God comes so close that we suddenly feel changed and re-created, and we do not back away. When Jesus call us to feed his sheep and follow him, I pray that we understand the terrifyingly beautiful call to be his disciples and accept it - empowered by the Holy Spirit and renewed by the promise of our risen Christ and of the coming Kingdom. Amen.