Our Kingdom

You have probably heard me say that I can express my feelings best in song and in the written word.  This is my favorite song right now. And the fact that they just sat down in her bedroom and sang it just gives me shivers. Everything about this is amazing. And I think it says a lot about who I am, whose I am, and where I am right now. It's called "Our Kingdom" in the video, and is now titled "Sons and Daughters" by Allman Brown and Liz Lawrence. 

My favorite line is "it's all to come, for now we're still young, just building our kingdom, but it's all to come."  I've been a worrier my entire life.  I have always lived in my plans for the future and I am finally to the point in my life that I don't want to do that anymore.  (See my previous blog post.) 

But I don't think this song is a love song between two people.  This is a love song between me and God.  Listen to it again.  It is a promise that no matter where I go or what I do, God is with me and will wrap his arms around me "like the moon in the arms of the sky."  

I believe in a God that will put a fire in my soul and be proud of it.  I believe in a God that "will build a fire" within the house to keep his people impassioned.  

The chorus gets me the most: 

"And I'll build a fire, you fetch the water, and I'll lay the table." 

A fire brings to mind sacrifices from the Old Testament- an incredible testament of faith from Abraham, a sacrifice of thanksgiving from hundreds of God's people.  God asks us to bring the water.  She is asking us to fetch the water and baptize her people.  And she will lay the table.  She will feed us with the sustaining, life-giving bread and wine of Christ. 

And knowing that we came from many generations of faithful people, we will pray that those generations continue.  "We still pray for sons and daughters."  

Of course the garden imagery is everywhere in the Bible.  Jesus goes there for refuge, strength, and questioning.  A garden was the very first place God knew her people.  She is inviting us back into the garden to share the "red, red wine." 

And no matter what happens or where we go, God will always "keep the light on to call [us] back home."  She wants us to continue to come back home to her, where she will wrap her arms around our hearts and keep us safe. 

And God knows that "it's all to come."  Everything we could ever hope for is to come in the eschaton.  But "for now we're still young, just building our kingdom."  For now, God has given us the mission of building the Kingdom, God's Kingdom, with her.  

It is almost as if God is giving us permission to live into our youngness.  God wants us to follow our bliss and commune with her in the garden, let him hold you tight, and be open to him building a fire.  Because we're still young and it's all to come.  

The Start of Something New

I'm 22 years old.  I know, right? I'm young. And so far in my life, I have done some pretty cool things. And I'm super excited about all the cool things I have already done in my life.  I feel successful (even though I'll be on food stamps next month).  I am happy.  Seriously.  I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but I am happy. 

And I'm young.  I have a lot to live for.  I have a lot of goals I want to reach before I kick the bucket.  And I have a lot of time to achieve those goals.  I don't always feel that way- I look around to my friends who are forming nonprofit organizations, designing iPhone apps, becoming teachers, and traveling the world and I'm jealous.

I want to be doing those things. I think to myself.  So why am I not doing those things? Good freakin' question. I've never really had a bucket list before, but I think I'd like to start one.

I'm young.  I shouldn't be doing something I hate right now (like CPE) or ever, for that matter! I should be following my passions and creating my own bliss.  I should be leaving the past behind me and living the adventure that is my life.  I should be living the life I have right now. Moment to moment.

So I'm going to start.  CPE ends tomorrow with graduation and I am not turning back.  I'm going to run out those doors and start following my dreams.  This is my public proclamation that this is the start of something new.

I've always been fearful of the future.  I think that is why I spend so much of my energy trying to plan for it.  I try to map out my life and what is going to happen year to year.  Man, that takes the fun out of living!  I'm going to start living in the moment and loving life the way it is.  And if I am unhappy, I will get up and change it.  I know I can do this now because I have felt myself growing up.

One reason I know I have been changing and growing up is what I see in my relationship.  The relationship I'm in right now is the very first relationship in which I haven't been searching around for what is next or what is to become of it.  I am so happy with where I am in our relationship. I'm not worried about marriage or kids.  It's all to come.  For now, we're still young.  We enjoy each other's company and hanging out with our dog and going on road trips.  We love spending time with each other's family and talking about our passions.  We aren't in any hurry and that is so very nice.

I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to say some stupid things. Maybe get myself in trouble.  But I am also going to have fun.  I am going to follow my passions no matter who I disappoint.  I am going to travel.  I am worth being the happiest I have ever been.