The Start of Something New

I'm 22 years old.  I know, right? I'm young. And so far in my life, I have done some pretty cool things. And I'm super excited about all the cool things I have already done in my life.  I feel successful (even though I'll be on food stamps next month).  I am happy.  Seriously.  I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but I am happy. 

And I'm young.  I have a lot to live for.  I have a lot of goals I want to reach before I kick the bucket.  And I have a lot of time to achieve those goals.  I don't always feel that way- I look around to my friends who are forming nonprofit organizations, designing iPhone apps, becoming teachers, and traveling the world and I'm jealous.

I want to be doing those things. I think to myself.  So why am I not doing those things? Good freakin' question. I've never really had a bucket list before, but I think I'd like to start one.

I'm young.  I shouldn't be doing something I hate right now (like CPE) or ever, for that matter! I should be following my passions and creating my own bliss.  I should be leaving the past behind me and living the adventure that is my life.  I should be living the life I have right now. Moment to moment.

So I'm going to start.  CPE ends tomorrow with graduation and I am not turning back.  I'm going to run out those doors and start following my dreams.  This is my public proclamation that this is the start of something new.

I've always been fearful of the future.  I think that is why I spend so much of my energy trying to plan for it.  I try to map out my life and what is going to happen year to year.  Man, that takes the fun out of living!  I'm going to start living in the moment and loving life the way it is.  And if I am unhappy, I will get up and change it.  I know I can do this now because I have felt myself growing up.

One reason I know I have been changing and growing up is what I see in my relationship.  The relationship I'm in right now is the very first relationship in which I haven't been searching around for what is next or what is to become of it.  I am so happy with where I am in our relationship. I'm not worried about marriage or kids.  It's all to come.  For now, we're still young.  We enjoy each other's company and hanging out with our dog and going on road trips.  We love spending time with each other's family and talking about our passions.  We aren't in any hurry and that is so very nice.

I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to say some stupid things. Maybe get myself in trouble.  But I am also going to have fun.  I am going to follow my passions no matter who I disappoint.  I am going to travel.  I am worth being the happiest I have ever been.