Undergrad vs Seminary

Allow me to be weird for a few minutes and post about something that has been on my mind lately. I'm not sure why, but it's there.

Ways in which undergrad did not prepare me for seminary:

We live where we study.

I have to walk about 500 steps to get to the library. It's even less to get to the building with all the classrooms in it. I cannot get away from this place. I can always find someone that is in almost all of my classes if I have a question about a project or assignment.  We are almost all fighting the exact same battles.  I'm not used to that. I have the phone number of about 75% of the people on campus.

Our professors are a part of every aspect of our life.

The following is a real conversation I had with the associate dean of our school.  She was walking her dog near the apartments (where she lives during the week) on a Wednesday.  I was walking to a friend's apartment from the dorm with a bottle of wine and wine glass in my hand.

Dr. B: Hi Sarah.
Me: Hi Dr. B
Dr. B: I hope you have that paper done for class.
Me: Um yup...
Dr. B: Enjoy your evening with your wine.

They know everything we do all the time and it's weird.  In undergrad we could separate the "professional" student from the "typical college" student because our professors weren't around to see our walk of shame or day drinking. Not so much anymore. I'm not saying this is a bad thing.  We should be the same people behind closed door as we are in the pulpit.  But let's be honest, we aren't.

Everyone knows your business.

People say that seminary is like a fish bowl.  There are lots of people looking in at your every move from every different angle. Your home church. Your field education church. The staff. People at the grocery store when you're wearing your cleric. People on Facebook. Family friends. Your parent's coworkers. Everyone all of a sudden thinks you are either A) not fit to be a pastor because of your past or B) expected to be better than everyone else at being holy or human. Or both. No one cared about how much I prayed when I was a political science undergraduate student.  They didn't ask how I was maintaining my spirituality or how I would balance my social and life when I was in my vocation.

I actually like what I'm studying.

In undergrad, you basically had to bribe me with promises of a test the next day to get me to do reading assignments or research a topic on environmental politics or political parties.  I realize now that I was probably in the wrong field because I know plenty of people in undergrad that actually love what they study. Well, that wasn't me.  Now that I'm in graduate school, people have to invite me out so I'll stop reading for my Gospels class. I have to tell myself to go to bed before 2am because I have fallen in love with a new author. Reading for class has actually made me want to read more, not less. I want to talk about theology and God and Jesus all the time. It's such a good feeling but it is also really weird and I think I'm getting boring.

Praying is a normal part of study.

We pray before all of our classes which is awesome.  Sometimes I'll walk out of my dorm room for a break and see my dormmates gathered around one another praying silently and aloud. Everything we do here is solidified and realized through prayer and communion with one another. I wasn't prepared for that. Most of my studying during undergrad involved getting as much done before my roommate and I could start drinking around 8pm.

What I'm studying has everything to do with everything.

There is nothing in my life that doesn't relate to what I am studying in seminary. I think about my friendships and my parents and my goals. Everything revolves around God. Everything we do here is about the promotion of the Kingdom. I don't even know how to separate my "real life" from my "student life" anymore. Everything is woven together because of God.