worth it

"Mountain" I climbed

One of the most amazing experiences of my life was traveling to Hawaii by myself last December.

I claimed that it was a reward to myself for graduating college early, but in reality it was so much more than that.

At that point in my life, it was an escape. An escape from hurt and rush and my parents.  It was an escape from the things that scared the crap out of me in the future. It was an escape from the fact that I might never be the person I always wanted to be. And an escape from the expectations of others.

It was also a test. I wanted to know that I could function on my own. I needed to know that I could be by myself and be okay.

During those ten days on Oahu, I was able to do some amazing things. Some of my favorites included watching surf competitions, eating local food, and sunning myself every single day.

My favorite thing, though, was an accomplishment I can't get out of my mind this week.

I climbed a mountain.

Okay, so maybe no exactly a mountain... but for me, it felt like a physical, emotional, and spiritual mountain.

We got up before the sun rose on the Sunday morning before I left to fly back home and drove to my mountain. The minute we got halfway to the base of the trek, I was done.

I'm not a physical type of girl. I don't work out. I don't particularly care to prove my physicality by doing physical things. I'm more of a thinker. I'm more of a writer. Not a hiker. Or a railroad tie hurdler.

 

But we climbed up the mountain on railroad ties.  I wanted to die halfway up (or a quarter of the way up) and I was definitely winded by the time we reached the top (after multiple stops to rest). There was a bridge we had to cross that was just made out of railroad ties. You could fall right through it into the rocks. I was terrified and exhausted the entire way up.  But it was the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.


Let me repeat that: It was the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

It wasn't just the view. The view was amazing. It was the fact that over and over again I told my hiking partner that I didn't want to keep going. I said, "I'm too tired" and "I can't do it" and "this was a terrible idea."  But despite my mind and my body telling me to stop and turn back. Despite my legs saying, "it's not worth it," my heart just wouldn't let me stop.

It is the first time my heart convinced me to do something that the rest of my body didn't want to do and didn't think it could do.

Now that I know it's possible, I feel like I can do anything.

God gave me the strength (because honestly, it had to have been divine intervention) to start climbing my spiritual mountain a few months prior to this physical mountain climbing.  I'm nowhere near the peak of this mountain, I can't even see it. It's blurred in the morning fog. And it's a much larger mountain than I climbed on Oahu.  The obstacles are larger than railroad ties and bridges without floors. But I know that it is possible. I know that when my body and mind feel defeated and broken, my heart and my Lord will be there to keep me going.

Because it's worth it.  The view at the top will take my breath away and make all of it worth it.