On being left behind

I've moved about eighteen times in my life. I am quite used to getting settled in a place for about a year, then packing all of my things and starting over again in another place. What I am not used to, however, is being left behind.

I started thinking about being left behind as I listened to the first lesson last Sunday. The disciples watched as Jesus ascended into heaven, then were scolded for looking up to where he had gone into the clouds. I cannot imagine what the disciples must have been feeling as they watched the Lord ascend into heaven (Acts 1:9-11). You see, I am not used to being left behind.

I have always been the one to leave a place first. When I left for undergrad, I had to go early to start my job, making me one of the first of my friends to leave for college. I was the first one of my three roommates to move out of my dorm room after our first year. Even through seminary, I did not waste any time moving out of the dorm and into my apartment or up to Durham to be with Daniel. But now I find myself being left behind and I feel like one of the disciples looking up at the sky going, Okay, so what's next? 

In the past week, there have been a half a dozen moving trucks moving my beloved classmates on to their next adventure, most of them heading to internship or Clinical Pastoral Education for the summer. Others were headed to camp or to vacation. Many of our friends have not left quite yet, but they are making plans are will probably not be around much longer. As I hear each person talk about their plans for the next few months I find myself feeling a combination of anxious, jealous, and angry. We have no plans and we aren't going anywhere. I'm feeling quite left behind.

I imagine God peering at the disciples as Jesus ascends into heaven, thinking Come on now, you've work to do, don't just stand there. I am trying to remind myself the words of Acts... "You don't get to know the time. Timing is God's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit" (paraphrased from The Message, Acts 1:7-8). I am not entirely sure I am comforted by the words, but they're there. And I keep reading them.

And we do have work to do. We are called in this time more than ever to love one another fiercely and not let this time of anxious waiting come between us. We are called to love those who are left behind with us, and nurture the relationships with those who have left us. We are called to smile and nod as people tell us the Spirit is at work. And, I suppose, we are called, as we feel left behind, to keep repeating those words (whether we fully believe them or not)... You don't get to know the time. Timing is God's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit.