A lot of people will say "a lot has happened in the way of feminism in recent years." And I agree. From birth control to voting rights, it seems that we are moving the right direction. In truth, it seems that we are moving in a very Kingdom of God or "God-ordained" direction when in comes to issues of equality.
My fear is that our "pats on the back" for "coming this far" will keep us from continuing to move forward in progress. And in some cases because some change has seemed so rapid to many folks, we are in danger of "back-sliding" in progress as some of my religious friends might say.
And to be fair, the change- the progress- looks different everywhere and it would be ignorant for me to prescribe the "next steps" of equality to every nation or group of people (even if I really really want to).
Progress in women's rights and equality in Malaysia looks vastly different from progress in women's rights in the United States. Because of different histories and contexts, this is true everywhere- it looks different.
So when I talk about change, I'm talking about the United States. And honestly what I would like to see for my daughters and nieces and granddaughters is not even that radical. (I'd like to also see it for myself but I'm not that idealistic.)
But I am afraid that because "feminism" has turned into "the new f-word" and talking about "equality or equity" has turned into "asking for handouts," we will neglect progressing further in terms of feminism. Women don't want to talk about it for fear of being labeled "one of those women" and men don't want to talk about it for fear of being called a "pussy" or worse. And I get it. It's not a pretty subject. But sometimes when I mirror is placed in front of us, we would rather just break the mirror because we don't like the reflection we see or it makes us uncomfortable.
Even I sometimes struggle with expressing my feminist self in a way that is helpful. I don't want to hurt my husband. Or my dad. Or my pastor. Or you know, all those men who aren't "those kinds of men." But the conversation has to keep going. We can't stop talking about equality just because we have "gotten really far" in recent years.
And here's why: For some reason there's (still) this notion in the United States, and likely elsewhere, that we shouldn't actively teach our sons and husbands and uncles and brothers to respect women and their rights as human beings (aka dismantle patriarchy). We must instead teach our daughters how to defend themselves, keep from being assaulted, how to not "piss off" their male colleagues, and even how to not get raped. (Seriously- Google "how to not get raped/assaulted" and you'll find all these ways for women to protect themselves.) For some reason the responsibility of protecting women falls only on the woman herself and not also on men.
I'm not saying that I'm not thankful for inventions like nail polish that turns colors when your drink is drugged. I'm not saying I'm not thankful for gyms and colleges who offer self-defense classes especially for women. I'm not saying I'm not thankful for inventions like rape whistles or tracking apps for your friends. I am certainly thankful for these inventions, innovations, and priorities and I am confident they have helped women all over the world stay protected.
My issue (my deep deep sorrow) is that we (still) NEED devices and classes such as these. My deep deep sorrow is that the world (aye, the United States) is still such a dangerous place for women. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
My deep want and vision for the future is not a complicated one. I would like to send my daughter to college without pepper spray, and with the confidence that if she is assaulted, her university will not somehow punish her for speaking out against her attacker. I would like my son to have the opportunity to express his emotions in healthy ways without being called a "pussy" or "bitch." I would like my niece to be able to walk down the street confidently without side stepping cat-callers. I would like people to sincerely believe that men are as capable nurturing children as women. I would love to hear about relationships in terms of "outdoing one another in love" instead of "who wears the pants."
But because these conversations are halted, because we continue to place the responsibility of safety and equality on the women (what she was wearing, how much she drank, if she was alone, if she destroyed chivalry by being independent, etc.), instead of insisting that we teach our sons a better way of living... Progress won't happen. The situation won't get better for our daughters. And indeed, it is harmful to our sons as well.
So by all means, let us teach our daughters how to be strong, independent, loving, responsible human beings. But let us also teach our sons, our husbands, our co-workers, and brothers to not just "not assault women" but to be an active part in the dismantling of patriarchy and all the lies it tells our children.
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